And the sun went down

My backyard is actually very pretty. Huh... I just noticed =)

SO I'M FINALLY DONE... DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE T_T
and... yet... i don't feel the least bit free. I feel as though i'm still bound to high school because i still don't know how i did on my tests. SOOOOOOO i'll try not to think about that.
But ya, I really can't think of anything else... so NIGHTS!

AH!!!

GRAD ON SAAAATTTURDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
OH MY GOODNESSSSS!!!!!!
ALREADY?!?!?!???!?!?!?
and it's going to rain and possibly snow.
SO HOPEFULLYYYY WE CAN ALL PRAY IT DOESN'T AND GOD'S GOING TO GIVE ME A SUNNY GRAD DAY =)that would be great =)
Even if it doesn't... I'LL HAVE SNOW AT MY GRAD. Way betta than psh... the sun right????

Yes... yes.. i should calm down.
Anyways.....

OMGOSH GRAD IN 2 DAYS

AHHHHHHH

Now.. i understand why it takes forever for us to get our timetables. I UNDERSTAND THE PAIN NOW. I UNDERSTAND.

=(
but i'm finally done!
..................
now to wait for May25th, 2:00 (MT)!!!!!!!

Long Weekend

It's long weekend and I'm suppose to be feeling happy... BUT I'm not. I have too much to do and too much to think about even though I'm not suppose to. Scholarship essays =( Study for calculus and physics =( Building schedule for Uni (I know it's suppose to be exciting and all but I'm really not in the mood to feel it so...) =(

Things to look forward to this weekend?
IB PICNIC PARTY =D
That deserves a smile.
Kinda.

Anywhooooooo...
Nights!

Boom

Dear Today,
My head exploded.
Thanks Calculus. Love you too.

White Walls

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now

Listening to this song makes me so happy. From the inside out, I feel joy just spewing out of my guts. IT'S LIKE OOZING OUT OF MY SKIN. Sounds prreeeee gross but i have to admit, i have not been this hyped up for a long time. Who knew that replaying this song over and over again would do this. Religion. My faith is not tied down by that word. It's not something like that... nope. It's definitely more like falling in love. Diving deeper into the the meaning of my walk with God, it never started with something like religion, I don't think I've ever seen it like that. More like the way He loved me, helped me up, and saved me WITH His love.

I honestly cannot calm down right now. I don't know why, it was very sudden. ANYWAYS!!!
Good night all =)
I hope hope hope hope you all have a wonderful night filled with sweet sweet dreams!!!

It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me


P.S. I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
I really really liked this line from the song =D

=)

"She tells me she wants to be a raindrop, she doesn't mind falling... as long as she's not alone... and raindrops... are never alone."
-When Five Fell

That has got to be the best that WongFu has come out with so far. I loved At Musing's End, BUT WHEN FIVE FELL IS JUST MIND BLASTING. I don't even know how many times i've rewatched this and not doing homework. AMAZING!!!!!!
It gives me such a .... captivated feeling, and i'm not sure how i can describe it. Every shot, every word, had so much depth and meaning to it. To be honest, i didn't really get it at first. But after rewatching it and realizing that there was more than meets the eye in the video, it got better. Everytime i watched it, it got even better. YOU MUST ALL WATCH!!!!!

Check It

Lyrics:
Verse 1
Now Hollywood wants to make you think they know what love is. But I'm a tell you what true love is. Love is not what you see in the movies. Its not the ecstasy, its not what you see in that scene, you know what I mean? I'm telling you right now, true love is sacrifice. Love is thinking about others before you think about yourself, love is selfless not selfish. Love is God and God is love. Love is when you lay down your life for another, whether for your brother, your mother, your father or your sister, its even laying down your life for your enemies, that's unthinkable, but think about that. Love is true. Think.

Chorus:

I'll put you in front of me
So everybody can see
My love, this is my love

I know that I'll be alright
As long as you are my guide
My love, this is my love

Verse 2
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, it always perseveres.
Love never fails. Love is everlasting, its eternal, it goes on and on, it goes beyond time, love is the only thing that will last when you die, but ask the question why? Do you have love?

Chorus

Verse 3
There is no greater love than this than he who lays down his life for his friends. Now are you willing to lay down your life for your friends? You're probably willing to lay down your life for your mother, your father, or your best friends, but are you willing to lay down your life for even those that hate you? I'm going to tell you who did that, the definition of love is Jesus Christ. He is love. The nails in his hands, the thorns in his brow, hanging on a cross for your sin my sins, that is LOVE he died for you and me while we still hated him, that is love. God is true love, and if you don't know this love, now is the time to know, perfect love.

Chorus

You'll Come

As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
As certain as the dawn appears

=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

When We Say

"Love and relationships are never like the movies no matter how much we want them to be. But when something beautiful ends, for whatever reason, it's most important not to be disappointed that it's over, but glad that it happened at all."

I have been waiting for AJ Rafael's When We Say music video since... since.. well since Wong Fu showed the trailer. Freaken cute. The song is so amazing, but I really liked the original version where he sings it live. Man, that guy has a voice that could blow you away.

Well, that's all I really wanted to put up haha.

this is the part when we say were in love
and the part where we have our first kiss
but this ain't a movie
i know you cant come with me
you got your life

Never Let Me Go

Love who you love
With all that you have
And don't waste the time
That flies so fast

Currently, I feel as though someone has rudely stepped on my stomach a few hundred times but has not been satisfied enough to stop. Unfortunately, this is not because of the 30 hour famine but from very unpleasant things that has made it's way into my life. It's making me feel like my heart is going to burst and my insides feel as though it's sunk so far down that it cannot possibly make it's way back into it's original positions.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

HOWEVER, at least I still have a to do list with someone very special!!! And I shall now list them as follows:
1. Live close/next door
2. Fly a kite
3. MOVIES!!!!!!
4. S.N.O.W.
5. SUMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER CAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(with more to come =D )

Hold on as tight as they'll let you

It's Your Love

Beyond the tomb to holy skies
He rose in victory
And bridged for us the great divide
His life is our liberty

And all the praise and glory to God
We sing Hallelujah sing Hallelujah
For the King has carried the cross
He is risen from the grave

Do you ever have those moments where a person can say all the words that you never knew you needed to hear more than ever? All the feelings that were trapped inside, and all the words that I kept locked away... I had no idea the damage it was doing to me. Lately I've been putting myself down with some pretty harsh words. And who knew that the words that I say to myself would hurt so much, and up 'til now, I believed every single one of those words. From all the things that have been happening I kept thinking that I deserved all the bad things that were happening to me, and that there was no way out of it. I didn't think that being happy was a choice anymore and I blamed myself for all the things that went wrong. I knew it was wrong to think that, but I couldn't bring myself to wipe away all the negativity.

It's not like God didn't try to show me that things aren't meant to be like that but today, words were spoken that touched my heart and with this realization it really hit home. It was everything that was bringing me down, and I can finally feel like breathing again. And... that feels really good.

It's Your Love
That has saved me.

THE DATE IS SO WRONG lol, it's April 9th!!!

POST 200

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

If God sent angels onto this Earth, it must be the people around me. Every single one of them. Today was a really good day. I don't think that I could pick out one thing that was not good. I really needed today.. just to have God let me know that I can be happy. Even after everything, I can still be happy. Thinking about that makes me feel a bit more relieved. This past month everything has been going downhill. Relationships, friends, school, family. Everything. Not a hair has slipped by that wasn't bad. Somehow... everything that happened today, the laughter, the cold, the people, pictures, it just soothed me a bit. Washed my worries away.. even if it was just briefly. That was enough to recharge my nasty old batteries. Thank God.

By today I mean yesterday as I am writing this at 2:24 in the morning. This blog post started yesterday, I promise haha.

Well... it's getting late, but I don't feel like sleeping yet, but..... Good night!

I Think I'm Going Crazy

I. Seriously. Can't. Drive.

I find that for some reason. The more I drive, the more I fear for the next time I drive. Today was a terrific example of as to why the world would be a much more peaceful place without me driving. I should just hire a personal chauffeur. Like seriously. Right now, as I sit here, I honestly think that I will receive a ticket in the mail. And like always, I can't stop thinking about it. I thought that driving yesterday was actually pretty good, and I felt better about everything. AND THEN I JUST HAD TO GET LOST AND FEEL SO FLUSTERED TO THE POINT WHERE I NO LONGER KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING ON THE ROAD. AND WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MR. POLICEMAN WHY???????????? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO HONK AT ME??? I TRIED TO GIVE YOU ENOUGH ROOM, REALLY, AND HONESTLY, I DID!!!!!!!!! T_T

and....
I still haven't gone up to Nosehill by myself yet. I don't think that's going to happen anymore.

Bits and Pieces

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

To think that it's too late to say the things that you want to say from the bottom of your heart is really just an excuse. I can't say that now, because I still have the chance to tell the people I love how I do love them, just how much I care about them and just how much they mean to me. On the contrary, right now my heart is bending backwards and forwards with a lot of movement, it's making me sick. I can't help but regret all the time I've kept my mouth shut and feeling all the wrong emotions. In that way... I can't stop blaming myself for a lot of the things that have happened lately. I really do wonder why everything bad has to happen at the exact same time. One would think that these events are just for a little while, but... no. It's not like that. Actually it's more like, more and more issues happened one after the other and began to pile up unresolved. Everything happening is like a slap in the face, a shove into the sideline and a round-house kick to top it off. Kind of like the cherry on top of the ice cream... except it's not so sweet. It's a bitter cherry.

To honestly say, i haven't been thinking in the right mind and I'm finding my way back onto the path to be so hard. However, I can't deny the fact that throughout all these problems I'm having, God has been there 101% of the time. He's probably given more than I could give my life to thank him. I'm really grateful God has given me the time, and the reminders that I've been missing. As I write this, things become more and more clear that I have to take the chances he's giving me to do something about it, and to use it in the way I want to make Him proud. These past months... these past years... I've been nothing but a disappointment.

I pray for healing and for guidance, not just for me, but for anyone who needs it too.


Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is mighty to save,
He is mighty to save
Forever, author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

1 + 1 = Window

4 out of 5 people agreed that 1 person out of the 5 will always disagree with the other 4.
(Haha) I really enjoyed that.

ANYWAYSSSSSSS....
So calculus has officially caused my brain explode a series of times HOWEVER... these explosions were done in a very satisfied way as... I enjoyed thinking how that problem actually worked.
Another thing is... WHY ON EARTH HAVE I NEVER LEARNED SIMILAR TRIANGLES?? This absurdity has caused me much frustration.
I need to do well in calculus T_T

I'm beginning to really like physics for some reason. The math and theory... okay it doesn't always make sense to me but i really like the math behind it... or physicscal mathism behind it o_O ALSO, I have no idea what's going on in Chemistry... this may be due to the fact that I have not done hw for that class in a long time... wow.... go figure.

WELLL. It's that time again... to do hw -cough-sudoku/brainage-cough-
Good night world.

Love Ever After

No, there's not life after you
Of course that "you" would be You.

"Love ever after"... I really like that for some reason. It's almost like.. "happily ever after" but there are no.. happily ever afters. However, love ever after, is possible. I like that.

Beauty and the Beast

Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme

Beauty and the Beast

That was a beautiful movie. I always find that I am constantly reminding myself that the outside is just a shell. It's the inside that really matters. It is something that is very hard to achieve. Everyone is always judging, and critically analyzing each other. Finding myself that way is very disappointing to say the least. I don't want to shallowly look at people, i really want to see something deeper in everyone because those are the things that really matter.
So maybe when you do find that Beast, he doesn't always turn into a handsome prince, but if you do find him, when a person looks past a shell they see something very beautiful. Even as I say this, I do doubt myself if I can do that, I'll be honest. Whatever is to be set in my future, it's in God's hands. And i'll leave those things to Him.

This reminds me of a rock I got in elementary school that I keep by my bed. It's my little smack in the face. A guest brought in this big ugly white rock to our classroom, and he asked for someone to come and break it open. Obviously, breaking something, WITH PERMISSION, is something very rare, and so I put up my hand. I don't think it was a coincidence that I got chosen to do that... now that I think about it. When I broke it open, inside was a beautiful mineral... it was somewhat like clear blue crystals. Luckily for me, I got to keep it. This is just one of God's little touches to tell me something and I'm grateful.

I haven't been able to sleep well lately. I keep getting bad dreams. That just goes to show that I still have many unsolved problems. I wonder when this will end. LaLaLa?

Pray, Heaven's Waiting Now

And Jesus is just a breath away
Pray

I want to pray for so many people, and for so many things.
I pray for the people who are going through hardships in their lives... when they've met a wall so high that they no longer know how to get around or over it. I pray for God's grace to fall on them, give them a sense of family, hold them in Your arms and guide them in the direction You want them to walk. Lord God, my heart breaks for her.

I pray for the sick and the hurt. May it be physically or emotionally, I pray for healing because God, You're the only one who can do it.

I pray for guidance and pointers. I didn't realize how much I was relying completely on myself to get through everything... when... You were the one who was there pushing me along and picking me up when I fell. For that, I feel ashamed and sincerely sorry for being selfish and being so self centered. I can't find the answers to anything, and I feel like there is no longer a road I can see to take.

Last part of English... TODAY!! I feel very nervous... I hope and pray I'll do well.
Praise the Lord.

Sleepless nights

I am extremely tired. Actually, I've been tired since I got up. And here I am... not willing to sleep, not willing to do anything. There are too many things on my mind. Now now, don't get me wrong. I really like sleeping... but right now... I just don't want to sleep. I feel like there are too many things that need to be done, but I just don't want to do any of it. Why? Great question, I wish I knew the answer. You know what? I wish i knew the the answers to my physics exam, and my social exam and my english exam. How wonderful that would be.

I went to tutorials this morning for social and i realized that my paper that I wrote, was a big pile of poo. Just this one ginormous, big, nasty pile of poo. And as of right now... just thinking about it makes me die a little inside. I died a little writing it, now I just died more thinking about it. The sad thing is, the only possible cure of not thinking about it is playing video games. RIGHT SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF EXAMS.

Another thing. I should not be allowed to drive. Everytime I drive something goes wrong. Why me? Come on, I really like driving, so why??? GAH.

Maybe I should sleep... my head hurts... ahh..... I don't want to think anymore.. just let everything shut down.. AHAEROVU OATVK 09T4IKOAG KOV o;

Night.