Here we are again

It's 5am and I'm just going to sleep. 

Why? 

Cause school sucks. Like just reeeeaally sucks. I cannot wait to graduate, assuming I can T_T.

I wish I could stop putting myself into this kind of position everytime there's an assignment, or test... It is my fault but I can't seem to bring myself to do anything  until the pressure is on. Why am I like this? 

Anyways. 

I should sleep... Waking up in about two hours =(

You come through

Feeling very blessed by this song

The Lord is my Shepherd - Jeremy Riddle

Let the pain in my life
Find its healing in Your eyes
Every hurt, every loss
Pull me closer to Your heart

Let the wind and the waves
Bring anew, courage and faith
I’m singing out, singing out…

The Lord is my Shepherd and I want for nothing
You lead me to water for You know I’m thirsting
And I, am only satisfied by You

Every day, I make a choice
To be led, only by Your voice
To be bold and unafraid
Knowing I am covered, I am safe

For even now, in my need
You are proving yet again to me
You are there
You are there
Always there

The Lord is my Shepherd and I want for nothing
You lead me to water for You know I’m thirsting
And I, am only satisfied by You

I'm super tired, and quite stressed out about school, my grades and if I'll graduate.
And yet I am feeling so blessed. 

The only thing in my life that I've ever been sure about is the grace of God.

The grace that covers me in my worst, in my most unworthy and just the amount of doubt I have sometimes.

The weight of HIs love, the heavy feeling in my heart that is so overwhelmed by his presence is with me tonight.

I'm so thankful to have a God so great, so loving and so forgiving. 

I'm so thankful for a God who can take away my burdens and give me peace... even joy. 

So so so blessed.

Again I Ask

Why school, why?

I was at school from 8:00 this morning til 8:30 at night.
My stomach is growling, I had to take the bus home.
I feel kind of sad inside.
School.
You suck dearly.
So very much.
Again I ask...

Why school...
just why?

Your Love Oh Lord

Recently, I've been connecting with my friends a lot more.
I didn't realize how much I missed them... but it's been really nice to have them in my life again. They are such beautiful people.
I also didn't realize that I can be very selfish on the matter of friends. I have loads of friends and a lot of the time I complain about how I don't have any. In all honestly, I was just a bad friend in not connecting and retaining that relationship in the first place.
All in all, I complain too much and don't do enough of what I say I should do. This I've already come into an understanding of but that doesn't mean it should carry on.

The people in my life matter very much and I worry about them all the time but my actions do not speak louder than words and this is something I've really been trying to do better of.
I love the people in my life and they deserve to know that I do.
I regret not doing more, and I regret being selfish.
God has really placed on my heart to love more... to not just contain His love for me in myself. It's definitely not meant for just me.
I grew up not knowing really how to show it... but that doesn't mean God can't teach me.
I'm going to keep this in my prayer and try to do more... rather than just say I'll do it.

How He Loves

How is God so good to someone like me?

This is something I will never understand....

And I don't think I'm someone who is meant to understand and comprehend His love for me. 

This year has definitely been quite painful, but I really believe that through all this hurt... God has shown me the love he has for me more than ever. 

Throughout the constant realizations of things within my life and just the constant obstacles that have been appearing, I've never been more loved in my life by trusting God.

Trusting in what?

Well.

Trusting that God is taking care of me. 

It's been hard to have faith that anything in this world could help me through conflict and struggles in my life because people have proven to fail me at every turn. 

But, when I really let go this time, the faith I have has carried me farther that I ever hoped it would go. Even if there was bad news, even if I failed at something, God has really taken care of me in the end.

I'm not worthy of this love.

But His grace is greater than all of that. 

Thanks God.

You've given me more than comfort and surpassed what is ordinary...

You've given me a life I want to live for you no matter the discomfort.

For you, in you, anything is possible. 

Already There

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how the pieces fit

My God is good.

Dear School,

Please stop sucking.
=(

Hey 3rd Year

I realized after attending my first classes of the year, as the business courses get higher in level, the profanity from the profs also get higher. It was pretty funny how their anger channels out of them in the form of curse words. However, what I get from their profanity is that they really do care about their students and how much they succeed.

I'm pretty excited about this semester because I find Finance is just the kind of math I enjoy and am willing to put in the effort for, and business law is just extremely interesting. Also, Religion and Politics sounds suuuuper interesting and hopefully I'll be able to get to work on time. Maybe I'll just drop my Japanese Civilization class.. or just do 5 again this year. I'm a little iffy on the accounting part, so I'll have to somehow figure out how I'm suppose to study for that class haha.

So.. ya! Hopefully things turn out better this year for school despite how much I'm dreading it.
Bye now!

Should've Been Me

Should've been me
Should've been us
Should've been there hanging on the cross
All of this shame
All of these scars
Should've been stains that were never washed
Why do I hide
Why do you try over and over again
I guess it just leaves me saying Thank God

For this heart you changed
This soul you raised my God
For taking my place

...

I guess it just leaves me saying Thank God...
For the should've been.

DVBS Week 4

I am suuuuuuper tired as of the moment, but I'm still thinking of things to do for tomorrow. I just tried the experiment that I wanted to show the kids tomorrow... it consisted of using milk, food colouring, a cotton swab and dish soap. My mother watched me as I carried it out but did not like how I wasted milk haha... That's okay... Although I suppose it is quite a waste.

This week kind of hit me like a train. I don't know why, I was alright for the first 3 weeks, but man, week 4 just kind killed. The kids this year made me think back to why I went for the interview for the teaching position. I really missed them and it's the same reason I don't want week 6 to come too soon. These kids have really given me lots to learn from and they honestly make me so happy. Even though there are the occasional bad attitudes, I still enjoy their presence despite it.

Through these few weeks... God has shown me just how much he loves these kids... Watching these kids learn about Him, receive through Him has been such an honest blessing. None of these kids would have showed up if it weren't for Him. Even if it was just a tiny miracle, to change the weather outside so they could stay dry from the rain, or just fun in the sun.... It's the evidence of God's love for these kids. Every kid who had safely returned from our field trips is also proof of God's protection over these kids, because man.. sometimes we are unorganized. Praise God in everything.

I never thought that teaching a lesson for these kids would also help me grow. Each lesson pushes me to do what I teach. I am definitely not teacher material, but somehow God is helping me pull through. It's been a struggle to keep in mind why I'm doing VBS sometimes... to fight with myself about personal gain versus doing what I do for the kids and planting seeds. Man, pride is a huge issue for me and it's a battle everyday to remind myself.

I'm excited for the 6 weeks to end because I am getting worn out... but hopefully I'll be alright in terms of lasting energy and... it doesn't end too too soon.. =)

731 days

Today was a really good day! And thanks to Mr.D for making it fantastic! =) We did many activities which mainly consisted of pet searching.
Cochrane, Science Centre, Calgary Humane Society, Douglasdale Trail, showhomes, and to top it off C&C.

Yay!

White Chicks

I just finished watching White Chicks, oh man.. it is such a classic movie. I forgot how funny it was =) I had some good laughs. I wonder if there are any more movies out there like that...

Lately a lot of people have been pricking at my nerves. It's something I have to get over but at the same time I just keep getting angry. For example, I'm not exactly the happiest at how people are responding to volunteering for DVBS. Whether it's their willingness to volunteer, or what they volunteer for. I don't blame people who really can't make it because of a job or something. The thing is that even though some people have work, their hearts are still praying for DVBS and eagerly want to help out. I won't complain about the people who are willing to give up their time to come help out either... but for the people who do have the time... I'm just going to end there. I'm just wondering what people's hearts are set on.

Volunteer training is coming up next week. I have prepared a few things here and there to say about where I hope and pray their hearts are.. but I question just how many people are going to pay attention and listen. I'm not out to condemn anyone, but I'm just frustrated. So frustrated with a lot of things and I can't think of anything that will make a change, or make an impact. I feel so useless despite my frustrations and that only makes my frustrations worsen.

I spent the last few weeks asking myself what I'm doing for DVBS and where my heart is. I'll be honest and say that when we started, my heart was anywhere but DVBS. But after praying, and just renewing my thoughts.. conviction strikes.. and patience begins.

All right. I'm going to end here. That's all I have to blog for now. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with blogging when DVBS starts. I'm starting to get excited about it. And to be brutally honest... I miss those kids.

Scars

Praise God we don't have to hide scars,
They just strengthen our wounds and they soften our hearts
They remind us of where we have been but not who we are...


There once was a King who so burdened with grief
Walked into death so we could find peace
He rose up with scars on his hands and his feet
By them we are healed...
By them we are healed...

God I need You

I looked around and thought "this would never happen to me, never".

Booked and Ready to Go

Los Angles, baby!!!!!!!
DISNEYLAND HERE WE COME!
=)

Have you?

So I recently came across this question that has pretty much put me on the spot and gave me a little kicker.
Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?
And... I haven't. Not even enough to qualify it as more than a prayer about it maybe once or twice a week. I am so guilty of this.
I've been falling back on my readings in the Bible, and I just haven't been putting God first as much as I should. AND! I definitely haven't been praying as much as I should be.
Guilty guilty guilty.
I read in my devotion book (that I also haven't been reading as much as I should >_>), that prayer is the strongest connection you could have to God. It's the thing that builds your bond. How can you get closer to someone if you never talk to them? I tried to make it my goal in that week to really work on that. I totally failed at that. Procrastination came and I welcomed it in with open arms. Now I'm stuck in this never ending circle where I can never get anything done.
I have so many excuses lined up to defend myself as to why I haven't been doing all of this and it's clear to me that the only thing I'm good at is making up excuses.
There are so many things that I want to pray for... and I would really like the people around me to pray for them as well. SO! However (if any) is reading this, here is a list of things that I would like to have prayed for... which i should pray for myself as well.

- The salvation of my family and friends
- Direction in my life and motivation

YUP! That's the giant list.

That's all I wanted to share today, good night!

Take you back

I'll take you back always
And even when your fight is over now

He always takes me back..

Words that You Say

Speak in this close communion
Though this hour seems timeless still
I wait for Your words that bid me come

Breathe in me, Holy Spirit
The will when my tomorrow comes
To follow when this song is gone

So I await the words that You say
I open my life
I am longing just to hear these words
That You say, that You say

Shape me with words of wisdom
Free my torn heart from this world
Renew my mind and form my will

Teach me to wholly offer
More than words that I can sing
So I become the song I bring

Can I be an instrument of praise
And here pursue Your heart
So my life will tell of who You are

Can I be a channel of Your love
A reflection of Your light
And live to bring You praise and serve You, Lord

Love Come to Life

I've been restless on the inside
Wondering about this heart of mine
I've been desperately trying to find
A way to prove that I'm still alive
Has the love I speak so loudly of quietly grown cold
Has my life been an empty voice?
What I say needs to be seen
I need to step out and make the choice
To let go of everything
Would you reignite this heart spark here in the dark?


Bring your love to life inside of me
Why don't you break my heart til it moves my hands and feet
For the hopeless and the broken
For the ones that don't know that you love them
Bring your love to life inside of me


A generation you're calling out
Living everything that we sing about
A revelation right here and now
Of love beyond a shadow of a doubt
Love that's greater than our own
Won't remain unknown, when you

Lord over everything, You are near

Jesus nothing compares to this grace that rescues me

Savior, now and forever Your face is all I need.

Now all I am I lay at Your feet

I'm humbled by the wonder of Your majesty 

One thing I know, I find all I need...

In Your unending love.

This is one of my favorite pictures from Japan.

Enjoy!