Now I can...
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross
Pastor always finds the most amazing, epic worship songs and I just really want to say that I'm really thankful for him, and he is such a blessing to the church.
I'M SO TIIIREEEDDD!!!!
The forth week is approaching at a fast and furious pace, and some of the children are getting on my nerves and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, everyday makes me nervous and I never feel like I'm prepared enough for anything.
Anyways, I need some more game ideas to play with the little ones, soooooooooooo T_T gotta keep thinking.
Lalalalalalalaalaaaaaaaaaaa......
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
What the... Sumo wrestler?
So..... I'm looking at the new blogger...
I really don't know if I like it or not.
Maybe it's because I usually just prefer old formats... but I probably just need to get use to it.
Tomorrow is another day of the day camp.
I'm so tired...
Sitting has never felt better, and I really enjoy the little moments where I get to spend some time to myself.
Here are a few things that I really need to keep in mind:
I must keep God first. As busy as I feel, and as tired as I feel.. I need to stop making excuses for putting Him aside. If I want to level up, I gotta go for it, chase after it and do something about it.
I need to stop making excuses about which kids I'm going to give up communicating with. To be very honest, I don't have favourites. I just have ones that I prefer over others. This past week has made me realize just how much I like spending time with these kids and listening to what they like and what kind of things they enjoy doing. It makes me miss being a kid............. even though I was a very shy kid, those years were fun.
I should sleep earlier and stop going out so late... Even though it's summer and everything, I need the rest to keep up with the rest of them litto kiddens.
That is all for today. Tomorrow is the start of the second week.
I'm exhausted already.
I really don't know if I like it or not.
Maybe it's because I usually just prefer old formats... but I probably just need to get use to it.
Tomorrow is another day of the day camp.
I'm so tired...
Sitting has never felt better, and I really enjoy the little moments where I get to spend some time to myself.
Here are a few things that I really need to keep in mind:
I must keep God first. As busy as I feel, and as tired as I feel.. I need to stop making excuses for putting Him aside. If I want to level up, I gotta go for it, chase after it and do something about it.
I need to stop making excuses about which kids I'm going to give up communicating with. To be very honest, I don't have favourites. I just have ones that I prefer over others. This past week has made me realize just how much I like spending time with these kids and listening to what they like and what kind of things they enjoy doing. It makes me miss being a kid............. even though I was a very shy kid, those years were fun.
I should sleep earlier and stop going out so late... Even though it's summer and everything, I need the rest to keep up with the rest of them litto kiddens.
That is all for today. Tomorrow is the start of the second week.
I'm exhausted already.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Who's the King of the Jungle?
9-5 from Mondays to Wednesday + 43 kinds + about 8-10 volunteers + 3 stressed leaders = ..... I'd have to say... it's been a very good first 3 days.
We'll take out the parts where we screwed up on bits and pieces and we get something really fantastic.
The kids have reeked havoc already, I feel the pressure already, but I'm just glad this is happening.
I'm glad I'm getting out of my comfort circle, even though that's a strange thing to say.... but really, i'm happy that i'm learning how to organize certain things, getting to help these kids grow, and doing something I feel pretty satisfying at the end of the day.
I'm already sunburned, I need to drink more water, I am currently loving the silence.... And I am enjoying waking up early in the morning to see these kids.
This is definitely a smiley face moment.
I just really really hope my allergies go away though.
You know what's so great about God? He's always so providing. I gotta say... Even though I dont have a lot of volunteers, the quality of each and every single one of them makes up for the lack in numbers. They are so amazing and I just really appreciate every single one of them. Thanks all!!!!!
So.... Let's get the week over with and I can't wait to see a new batch of kids next week =)
We'll take out the parts where we screwed up on bits and pieces and we get something really fantastic.
The kids have reeked havoc already, I feel the pressure already, but I'm just glad this is happening.
I'm glad I'm getting out of my comfort circle, even though that's a strange thing to say.... but really, i'm happy that i'm learning how to organize certain things, getting to help these kids grow, and doing something I feel pretty satisfying at the end of the day.
I'm already sunburned, I need to drink more water, I am currently loving the silence.... And I am enjoying waking up early in the morning to see these kids.
This is definitely a smiley face moment.
I just really really hope my allergies go away though.
You know what's so great about God? He's always so providing. I gotta say... Even though I dont have a lot of volunteers, the quality of each and every single one of them makes up for the lack in numbers. They are so amazing and I just really appreciate every single one of them. Thanks all!!!!!
So.... Let's get the week over with and I can't wait to see a new batch of kids next week =)
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Up, up, and beyond!
He comes through every single time. It amazes me every single time God answers a prayer that I have in my heart. From having DVBS be full for the 6 weeks to passing a course I need to stay in my faculty... It's very encouraging.
There are still a lot of things that need to be done for the day camp, and a lot of organizing that needs to be put in place but I know we'll be able to make it through because I know that the God that I know is a faithful God, and we'll be alright. He's the only thing that I can trust in right now, and everything will fall in to place, He promised.
I know that these past few months of planning, getting ideas and such... it didn't come from me, because I know what I'm capable of doing and how much I trust myself, and it definitely isn't enough to get where we are today.
How these 6 weeks go are in God's hands now.
In these 6 short weeks, I really want to see the kids grow. Even the ones that come for one week. I want to see the kids move in God. THAT would be amazing.
God, keep these kids safe, keep them motivated to participate in the activities, keep them attentive in their lessons and I pray that the lessons will soak in and impact their lives. I want to see happy kids, I want to see kids who are excited to come back the next day or the next week, and I want to see these kids enjoy what we have planned for them.
I'm so excited, so nervous and at the same time I'm pretty darn scared. I'm scared I won't be good at disciplining, and I'm scared I can't make an impact. So, these things I'll leave to God too. They definitely aren't in my power to do.
So...
HERE WE GO!
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus
For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You
Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart
I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You
There are still a lot of things that need to be done for the day camp, and a lot of organizing that needs to be put in place but I know we'll be able to make it through because I know that the God that I know is a faithful God, and we'll be alright. He's the only thing that I can trust in right now, and everything will fall in to place, He promised.
I know that these past few months of planning, getting ideas and such... it didn't come from me, because I know what I'm capable of doing and how much I trust myself, and it definitely isn't enough to get where we are today.
How these 6 weeks go are in God's hands now.
In these 6 short weeks, I really want to see the kids grow. Even the ones that come for one week. I want to see the kids move in God. THAT would be amazing.
God, keep these kids safe, keep them motivated to participate in the activities, keep them attentive in their lessons and I pray that the lessons will soak in and impact their lives. I want to see happy kids, I want to see kids who are excited to come back the next day or the next week, and I want to see these kids enjoy what we have planned for them.
I'm so excited, so nervous and at the same time I'm pretty darn scared. I'm scared I won't be good at disciplining, and I'm scared I can't make an impact. So, these things I'll leave to God too. They definitely aren't in my power to do.
So...
HERE WE GO!
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus
For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You
Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart
I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You
Monday, June 27, 2011
Three Hundred Sixty Five
I'M SO HAPPY IT'S OVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR
I wish I could say that I'm confident I passed....
but for most of the time when I do feel like I did well... I tend not to do well.
SOOOOO... I'm just going to guess that I passed and leave it at that.
I feel so free now. I can focus on VBS, and just be happy
The day after the exam was pretty darn good I gotta say =)
Shopping at Superstore, lots and lots of snacks, picnic in the car on Nosehill, ice cream in Cochrane, movie at the theatres, and dinner at the KEG.
Thanks DY for a great day <3
It's such a great way to end the day with a final in the morning.
All in all.
...
I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
IT'S SUCH A HAPPY THING.
I wish I could say that I'm confident I passed....
but for most of the time when I do feel like I did well... I tend not to do well.
SOOOOO... I'm just going to guess that I passed and leave it at that.
I feel so free now. I can focus on VBS, and just be happy
The day after the exam was pretty darn good I gotta say =)
Shopping at Superstore, lots and lots of snacks, picnic in the car on Nosehill, ice cream in Cochrane, movie at the theatres, and dinner at the KEG.
Thanks DY for a great day <3
It's such a great way to end the day with a final in the morning.
All in all.
...
I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
IT'S SUCH A HAPPY THING.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
In the mean time...
Tomorrow is it.
I'm actually really scared right now.
I don't feel very prepared. I never feel prepared, but this is the last chance I have to stay in my faculty. This whole thing makes me really nervous.
I've studied... even though I can't say it was the best way to study...
I've tried to do questions...
soo...
All that's left is to just trust the rest with You.
To be honest, that makes me feel a lot better, You've never failed me, and I know You won't fail me now no matter what the outcome is.
Now that I've got that off my chest, back to some more cramming.
Cause You're here with me for life...
I'm actually really scared right now.
I don't feel very prepared. I never feel prepared, but this is the last chance I have to stay in my faculty. This whole thing makes me really nervous.
I've studied... even though I can't say it was the best way to study...
I've tried to do questions...
soo...
All that's left is to just trust the rest with You.
To be honest, that makes me feel a lot better, You've never failed me, and I know You won't fail me now no matter what the outcome is.
Now that I've got that off my chest, back to some more cramming.
Cause You're here with me for life...
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Just You and me, nothing in between
No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
X-Men
Hm.... X-Men has been on my mind all day. To be honest, I wasn't excited to see it or anything, but as of right now.... I can't stop thinking about it.
I wouldn't normally insist on watching an action movie, but I can't seem to get this one out of my head. I REALLY want to watch it again. This movie... WAS SO GOOOOODDD EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!
Super powers get me excited. Maybe it's because I kinda wish I had super powers that makes me special and I can use it to my advantage and potentially take over the world thus turning it into a society where everyone is entitled to their own real live pokemon (of course that would require some sort of lab experiment with different animals..... okay, nevermind, if we start questioning how pokemons come to be this just all falls apart), and yu-gi-oh cards would actually have monsters come out of them using disk-like machinery, HOWEVER, I think I would ban the use of the technology to trap people's souls into cards, I didn't really like that episode................... not that I watched it...... WOW, that was completely random. I don't even think this made much sense.
Bottom line: I like super powers.
I actually want to read the comic books of X-Men, it really intrigues me. Anyways!
This was my lame excuse to not do my homework. Good night!
I wouldn't normally insist on watching an action movie, but I can't seem to get this one out of my head. I REALLY want to watch it again. This movie... WAS SO GOOOOODDD EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!
Super powers get me excited. Maybe it's because I kinda wish I had super powers that makes me special and I can use it to my advantage and potentially take over the world thus turning it into a society where everyone is entitled to their own real live pokemon (of course that would require some sort of lab experiment with different animals..... okay, nevermind, if we start questioning how pokemons come to be this just all falls apart), and yu-gi-oh cards would actually have monsters come out of them using disk-like machinery, HOWEVER, I think I would ban the use of the technology to trap people's souls into cards, I didn't really like that episode................... not that I watched it...... WOW, that was completely random. I don't even think this made much sense.
Bottom line: I like super powers.
I actually want to read the comic books of X-Men, it really intrigues me. Anyways!
This was my lame excuse to not do my homework. Good night!
Fam Jam
Serrrrrrrriously
I love my cousins. I love them soooooo much.
They are the few people I just love spending time with, and I love getting to know them.
VK, MK(not the not a tree), I love you two <3
I love my cousins. I love them soooooo much.
They are the few people I just love spending time with, and I love getting to know them.
VK, MK(not the not a tree), I love you two <3
From just sitting on a bed looking at yearbooks to playing poker all in one night, it's more than just a fun time. It's a nice time to just relax, forget about everything.
As much as we fight and ignore each other, I'm still glad you're around. Every time things get bad, or I need to vent, I'm just really happy you hear me out. When no one else seems to care, sometimes it's like you're the only one who gets it. Thanks brother man. You are quite the awesome.
Although I wish I had gone to C&C. I'm glad I spent the night at my cousin's house. It was just really nice to get my mind off of everything.
It makes it easier to keep going.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Forget you
Dear BSEN, it's your turn.
I dislike you.
You make me feel very not good.
(TERRIBLE GRAMMER haha)
It's a funny thing with prayer. You never know how strong prayer is until you see the results. I've been doing more praying than usual, it's something I would very much like to keep up. It's become so important in my life, something I turn to when things get stressful and there's no one there at the time. God is limitless. There aren't any boundaries, no time limits to God.
These days, it just reminds me of how God became my everything.
There was a time when I thought to myself that there's no one else that I could trust other than myself. To be honest, it still happens once in a while, but with a little tweak. I know I can rely on God. When the rest of the world feels far away, even though it's right there, God is closer.
There's been a lot of prayer for my family. Especially for my family. The ones I come home to everyday. There's been a lot of prayer for my friends, for DVBS, for Summer camp. There's also been endless hours of prayer for myself, for direction. I really want it to show up soon. It's starting to eat me away inside a little. And... I've really been praying for that extra bit of strength... to just keep going.
So... even though it's super cheesy... Victory really does start with prayer... It's been doing a lot for me.
Anyways.
BSEN. I just want to pass you. So I'll study. Just for you. Feel special lah!
Alright, textbook, back to you I go.
I dislike you.
You make me feel very not good.
(TERRIBLE GRAMMER haha)
It's a funny thing with prayer. You never know how strong prayer is until you see the results. I've been doing more praying than usual, it's something I would very much like to keep up. It's become so important in my life, something I turn to when things get stressful and there's no one there at the time. God is limitless. There aren't any boundaries, no time limits to God.
These days, it just reminds me of how God became my everything.
There was a time when I thought to myself that there's no one else that I could trust other than myself. To be honest, it still happens once in a while, but with a little tweak. I know I can rely on God. When the rest of the world feels far away, even though it's right there, God is closer.
There's been a lot of prayer for my family. Especially for my family. The ones I come home to everyday. There's been a lot of prayer for my friends, for DVBS, for Summer camp. There's also been endless hours of prayer for myself, for direction. I really want it to show up soon. It's starting to eat me away inside a little. And... I've really been praying for that extra bit of strength... to just keep going.
So... even though it's super cheesy... Victory really does start with prayer... It's been doing a lot for me.
Anyways.
BSEN. I just want to pass you. So I'll study. Just for you. Feel special lah!
Alright, textbook, back to you I go.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
It's Out of my Hands
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Thursday, June 02, 2011
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
WHY
I asked the same question around this time last year.
It was the most painful thing I have ever gone through, and the pain remains. Just thinking about it... even now... breaks my heart.
The question WHY. It's a natural response, it's the one question we all end up turning to and depending on how we decide to answer that question... breaks us, or makes us stronger.
That one three-lettered word is enough to tear us apart and pull us away from God.
I know what it's like to hurt, to regret, to throw yourself into turmoil over that one word. I know what it's like to lose yourself, and question the authority of God over it. I know it won't make sense as to why it happened 'til much later in life when we least expect it.
To be very honest. I still don't know why. What God does, I could never understand. But to trust God, even in a situation so... devastating... it'll only lead to a promise that everything WILL be okay.
And it has been.
As much as I wanted you there for my high school graduation, as much as I wanted you to be there when I got married, as much as I wanted you to be a great-grandmother so I could see you smile around your great-grand child.... as much as I wanted these things, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, you were there, and you will be there, and you are happier than you ever were, here.
Of course I miss you. But we'll see each other again. That's just another promise.
Anyways. I'll be praying for you and your family. I pray this incident could only draw you closer to God. I really do.
It was the most painful thing I have ever gone through, and the pain remains. Just thinking about it... even now... breaks my heart.
The question WHY. It's a natural response, it's the one question we all end up turning to and depending on how we decide to answer that question... breaks us, or makes us stronger.
That one three-lettered word is enough to tear us apart and pull us away from God.
I know what it's like to hurt, to regret, to throw yourself into turmoil over that one word. I know what it's like to lose yourself, and question the authority of God over it. I know it won't make sense as to why it happened 'til much later in life when we least expect it.
To be very honest. I still don't know why. What God does, I could never understand. But to trust God, even in a situation so... devastating... it'll only lead to a promise that everything WILL be okay.
And it has been.
As much as I wanted you there for my high school graduation, as much as I wanted you to be there when I got married, as much as I wanted you to be a great-grandmother so I could see you smile around your great-grand child.... as much as I wanted these things, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, you were there, and you will be there, and you are happier than you ever were, here.
Of course I miss you. But we'll see each other again. That's just another promise.
Anyways. I'll be praying for you and your family. I pray this incident could only draw you closer to God. I really do.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Hear the Sound
You called, and You shouted
Broke through my deafness
Now I'm breathing in and breathing out
I'm alive again
You shattered my darkness
Washed away my blindness
Now I'm breathing in and breathing out
I'm alive again
Another year of YC!
Every time I go to YC, it's a different experience, each time I get something different.
This time around, I was just sooooo tired. It's strange how tired I got.
I really liked the bands that played.
Some of the more memorable bands/people were: Lincoln Brewster, Matt Maher (Dude has an amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing voice ESPECIALLY live), and of course Starfield.
Despite wanting to fall asleep lots, I still got bits and pieces from the services, and workshops. However, getting from all of them isn't the most important thing for me... It's living it.
I frequently forget these things, but this time, I really want to start living it.
Anyways. It was nice to go up to YC again, but I really don't know if I'll go again. But we'll see!
sooo ya!
Broke through my deafness
Now I'm breathing in and breathing out
I'm alive again
You shattered my darkness
Washed away my blindness
Now I'm breathing in and breathing out
I'm alive again
Another year of YC!
Every time I go to YC, it's a different experience, each time I get something different.
This time around, I was just sooooo tired. It's strange how tired I got.
I really liked the bands that played.
Some of the more memorable bands/people were: Lincoln Brewster, Matt Maher (Dude has an amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing voice ESPECIALLY live), and of course Starfield.
Despite wanting to fall asleep lots, I still got bits and pieces from the services, and workshops. However, getting from all of them isn't the most important thing for me... It's living it.
I frequently forget these things, but this time, I really want to start living it.
Anyways. It was nice to go up to YC again, but I really don't know if I'll go again. But we'll see!
sooo ya!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
IHM
Sooo... it appears I have hit a roadblock in my Bible reading once again.
-Sigh-
The moment I tell myself that, oh I'll read it tomorrow, I never seem to get back to it.
IT'S SO BAD.
Well, I shouldn't make any excuses, but I'm trying really hard to get past the part with the lamps, and the table... and stuff in the old testament. Anyways.
This reminds me... I still want to go to Blessings. I've been wanting to go... for a while now, I just never got around to it.
Soo.. I have to go back to school soon.... I'm not going to know anyone. My cousin bailed on me and JMF couldn't get into it. -sigh-
Maybe I'll make a friend, and maybe I won't be confined to only my asian friends... Mayhaps my circle of friends will grow.
I still need to work on lesson planning for DVBS, eventually start to study some theory and get my grade 10 piano cert, and.... some other things.
But on the bright side.
YC is this weekend, hurray!
I look forward to Starfield, I've been slightly obsessed with their music this past year.
And...
That's all!
-Sigh-
The moment I tell myself that, oh I'll read it tomorrow, I never seem to get back to it.
IT'S SO BAD.
Well, I shouldn't make any excuses, but I'm trying really hard to get past the part with the lamps, and the table... and stuff in the old testament. Anyways.
This reminds me... I still want to go to Blessings. I've been wanting to go... for a while now, I just never got around to it.
Soo.. I have to go back to school soon.... I'm not going to know anyone. My cousin bailed on me and JMF couldn't get into it. -sigh-
Maybe I'll make a friend, and maybe I won't be confined to only my asian friends... Mayhaps my circle of friends will grow.
I still need to work on lesson planning for DVBS, eventually start to study some theory and get my grade 10 piano cert, and.... some other things.
But on the bright side.
YC is this weekend, hurray!
I look forward to Starfield, I've been slightly obsessed with their music this past year.
And...
That's all!
Monday, May 16, 2011
We all bleed red...
I love them country music sometimes =)
It's such a big full moon out tonight!!! Skies are so clear.
Makes me want to drive forever, but I'm such a hazard today T_T
So many close calls =(
Oh driving... why do we have such a love/hate relationship?
I really don't think I can do another day of first aid training
it makes me want to throw a pebble at a small animal.....
?
Oh......... the truth in this.
It's such a big full moon out tonight!!! Skies are so clear.
Makes me want to drive forever, but I'm such a hazard today T_T
So many close calls =(
Oh driving... why do we have such a love/hate relationship?
I really don't think I can do another day of first aid training
it makes me want to throw a pebble at a small animal.....
?
Oh......... the truth in this.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Dear Room
YOU'RE SO HARD TO CLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN.
Somebody wanna help me organize my stuff?
T_T
I need something to hold all my stuffed animals so I can sleep at night without having a million different things suffocate me in my sleep, along with other things falling on my head.
THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT CAN HOLD THEM ALL WHILE STILL ALLOWING ME TO SEE THEM...
or maybe.. it's time to donate some..............................
No.
That's not happening.
Somebody wanna help me organize my stuff?
T_T
I need something to hold all my stuffed animals so I can sleep at night without having a million different things suffocate me in my sleep, along with other things falling on my head.
THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT CAN HOLD THEM ALL WHILE STILL ALLOWING ME TO SEE THEM...
or maybe.. it's time to donate some..............................
No.
That's not happening.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Oh hot daay-um...
Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day
^ Now that's what I'm talking about =D
By now, i'm going crazy. Looking at the university student center makes me really sad. When will I know what I want to do as a career goal? I mean, having just one thing to aim for is better than nothing but why is it so hard to do even that?
Ugghhhhhhh....!!!!
I need to make up mind...
Which leads me to a lot of other things.
For the things that I'd actually like to do. Do I really need to fill some sort of a role? What if I can never be like that? What if I don't have that faith in myself to do something like that? What if... all I need is support instead of people just telling me things I already know about myself, and what I need to change.
It just feels like God is telling me something different. I don't know if it's God or not to be honest. I never do. It's really hard to listen for God's voice because I never know if it's Him, or if He's ever even said anything to me. People come and say, oh ya, that was God for sure. Well... why am I the only one still left in the dark not really know if that's true or not?
I have such a hard time making a decision... for anything. I'm very capable of getting things done on my own. Unfortunately, I just prefer not doing them on my own. And that's when people should not help me. EVER.
What I'd like... I think is for people to just support me in the decisions I make. Even when I make the wrong ones, especially when I actually step up to do something.
I have this fear of being critiqued for everything that I do. I hate being judged... it's literally like a fear. Just a little something about myself.
I get really really anxious and things just go downhill after that stage.
But ya. Hopefully things change. I've really been working hard to change those aspects about me. It's just that fears are fears, to overcome them is hard, and thankfully, God has given me time and opportunities to face them.
Things are getting really stressful. It makes me more prone to becoming irritated. So hopefully these issues will be resolved.
All I know for now.. is that God will come through... even though things really aren't looking up for me right now.
Any ways. I'm feeling very hungry.
Happy birthday Pops. Brazilian buffet here we come =D
So many people in this world...
but I hear you calling out my name
=)
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day
^ Now that's what I'm talking about =D
By now, i'm going crazy. Looking at the university student center makes me really sad. When will I know what I want to do as a career goal? I mean, having just one thing to aim for is better than nothing but why is it so hard to do even that?
Ugghhhhhhh....!!!!
I need to make up mind...
Which leads me to a lot of other things.
For the things that I'd actually like to do. Do I really need to fill some sort of a role? What if I can never be like that? What if I don't have that faith in myself to do something like that? What if... all I need is support instead of people just telling me things I already know about myself, and what I need to change.
It just feels like God is telling me something different. I don't know if it's God or not to be honest. I never do. It's really hard to listen for God's voice because I never know if it's Him, or if He's ever even said anything to me. People come and say, oh ya, that was God for sure. Well... why am I the only one still left in the dark not really know if that's true or not?
I have such a hard time making a decision... for anything. I'm very capable of getting things done on my own. Unfortunately, I just prefer not doing them on my own. And that's when people should not help me. EVER.
What I'd like... I think is for people to just support me in the decisions I make. Even when I make the wrong ones, especially when I actually step up to do something.
I have this fear of being critiqued for everything that I do. I hate being judged... it's literally like a fear. Just a little something about myself.
I get really really anxious and things just go downhill after that stage.
But ya. Hopefully things change. I've really been working hard to change those aspects about me. It's just that fears are fears, to overcome them is hard, and thankfully, God has given me time and opportunities to face them.
Things are getting really stressful. It makes me more prone to becoming irritated. So hopefully these issues will be resolved.
All I know for now.. is that God will come through... even though things really aren't looking up for me right now.
Any ways. I'm feeling very hungry.
Happy birthday Pops. Brazilian buffet here we come =D
So many people in this world...
but I hear you calling out my name
=)
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Time for Tako
I am feeling sooooooo tired right now.
Lots of mall walking, and more walking later in the day.
Wow... Walking makes me tired... how sad.
I really don't want my spring course to start. Like really really don't want it to start. That means I have to go through it again. I think I should start reading, and study up on it.
It's really funny because I noticed how much I don't go on the internet when I don't have school. I don't go on facebook much, I don't do anything much on the interweb. However, during school, it was like a consistent usage of my laptop, going on it every chance I get.....
What's wrong with me?? lol
I'm really enjoying the weather these days. It's nice not seeing just white and brown everywhere. Green makes the world seem so much nicer. It's nice to see blue skies and oh right, the sun.
I'm really really feeling like doing hot yoga, or just yoga. Should be fun!
Lots of mall walking, and more walking later in the day.
Wow... Walking makes me tired... how sad.
I really don't want my spring course to start. Like really really don't want it to start. That means I have to go through it again. I think I should start reading, and study up on it.
It's really funny because I noticed how much I don't go on the internet when I don't have school. I don't go on facebook much, I don't do anything much on the interweb. However, during school, it was like a consistent usage of my laptop, going on it every chance I get.....
What's wrong with me?? lol
I'm really enjoying the weather these days. It's nice not seeing just white and brown everywhere. Green makes the world seem so much nicer. It's nice to see blue skies and oh right, the sun.
I'm really really feeling like doing hot yoga, or just yoga. Should be fun!
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