9/9/9

September 9th, 2009
Hmm... I think the Chinese people would have liked it more September 9th, 1999, more nines haha. There are still so many things that are heavy in my heart these days. So very many. Family problems, relationship problems, ... problems with myself. Just too many problems. As much as I wish that they would all just go away and I'll live my life happily ever after... Ya, it's not going to happen. I really want to make grade 12 memorable for me. It's my last year of high school before I most on to post-secondary where ever that may be. I've been talking to my counselor and then I got sent to the... CALM guy. I guess I'm starting to get a better picture of what I might want to go into. Honestly, it's more researching and finding what I like more than anything. So some things that have been bothering me is... my grade 9 piano exam mark sheet has somehow disappeared. Another thing is.. Even though I'm done my grade 10 piano exam, i'm not satisfied with it. I feel very uneasy about it. I have considered taking my ARCT but now with my unpleasant mark and my unwillingness to redo grade 10, it looks like I'm not going to take it. -sigh-
I thought finishing grade 10 piano would be a huge relief for me, but... now it just feels like I'm missing a part of me. I've played piano for about 13 years, and I started when I was 4. Thinking about that now, really wows me. Not that I'm any good at piano, it's just the length of time that I spent on it... makes me happy. Now that I have so much spare time, I've been filling it with school activities. I never did like school activities but because it IS my last year, I want to do something fulfilling with it. I really want to watch the movie 9, it looks really cool. Wow, way off topic here.
There are a lot of things I want to accomplish at the moment. One consists of actually getting my homework done... and the main one is to really focus on God. I keep losing track and I've begun to totally fade from it. Everytime this happens, it just drives me ridiculously crazy. To me, life without God is meaningless. So, I know what's important and I will strive to make things in my life that are important, first.