Move

Determination is deciding it's worth it to finish what you've started.
Bottom line: Keep doing what you should do because God says you can.
Can I get a thumbs up?

Man... I'm quite loving the KFC here.
I'm just reading through the lesson that I'm suppose to have for the kids today and... to be put in this ministry has been such a blessing for me.
So far, the lessons I'm suppose to cover has in some way been a lesson for me too.
Biblical stories, passages and such are things I would like to know more about. They are things that I also want to learn, and I guess I just missed out a lot of that as a kid.
It's not just KFC I'm enjoying, but going to Sunday School has been something I look forward to... unlike before haha. For the things that I am involved in or been apart of, KFC, the worship team, sunday school, C&C... I've been loving it.
To be honest, it's been a struggle in many aspects, and I won't specify how but God knows what's goin on. In some ways I guess my patience has run thin, and I just really want to be a stronger person and step out of my shell.
I don't just want to believe that God has something for me, I want to know that God does have plans for me, and I don't want other thoughts to sway me from that.
No matter how difficult the road... I want to keep walking.

I want to hold the hand that holds the world

Closer

Everything I do just feels the same
Spending my life out in the desert
Then gone so long feels like forever

I just want to be closer to You
I just want to be closer, I am Yours
You can have all of me anything, everything
I just want to be closer

Absolutely

Only You have all of me
I cannot contain my adoration
I'm in love so desperately

No one is as lovely as You are
There is no one else who has my heart

Jesus You have me completely
Every breath I breathe
I am absolutely in love

Number 12

And I love You Lord
You rescued me
You are all that I want
You’re all that I need

Smtcmm. svmt. Gwaigtdwat? Isoomm. Smtw. Idwath.... ttikich. Aiktywnlalthtm. Walttich... bijrc.. wmoadwth. HmLG. Pdlthtm. Is. G... bwm.
IslyDY. Iihtba, ljstIgiwwy. Ilysm. Rat.

You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same

Lalalala

School.... doesn't like me

Or maybe it's the other way around too.
But that is all I have to say.

Just a Pass

THAT'S ALL I NEED A PASS!!!!!
I PROMISE I WILL WORK SOOO SOOO SOOO SOOO HARD IN 217 I PROMISE!!!!!!
T_T
THAT WILL BE MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION.
I have seen and felt the fruits of my sad sad procrastination.
NO MORE.
Now all i have to do is wait for Monday. I can see my hope growing... and I don't like it that it is.
-deep breath-
Through all this I've been growing increasingly frustrated with myself... and with God. I know I shouldn't be, but it's just been hard to skew my emotions differently... especially when I think too much about certain things and breaks me down. It gets out of hand. Praying and just having little moments to really think about it and calming myself down has helped. I can't keep bottling this stress up. It's taking a toll on me.
"What's been done is done, you can't change anything now... there's no point in worrying." I understand. I do. I really do. But even though I know this, and I totally get it... I can't seem to follow through with the not worrying part. Once I start worrying... I just can't get out of that endless loop.
And this is where a phrase hits me over the head:

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Matthew 6:27

I guess things just take a while for it to sink in. Realizing just isn't enough for me. It's got to be more of an understanding. Along with all this, I need to learn to cut back the bad thoughts that I keep having come at me. I have no idea how this is going to work... but i think it's essential to my health haha.
This month has been hectic. I can't wait for school to just end.
I've been thinking recently... I keep asking, and I keep wondering about what my future holds. Where am I going to go after taking business? Where's my place in this world? It's a lost, confusing, treacherous thing to have in the back of my mind all the time. Sooo here's what popped up:

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for him . . ."
Psalm 37:7

I really have to STOP WORRYING and BE PATIENT and know that these answers will come in time. As much as I am anticipating for these answers... it will come.
I guess with all the things that's been going on, God's just been telling me that I need to understand these things through my own experiences. It's not just have other people tell me, and push me... but just coming to terms that there are a lot of things that in order for me to grow, I have to get through these kinds of obstacles. I really want to grow.
I see so many people around me, so strong in God. And I just want to be like them. I want to have that confidence that holds them close to God, to trust God even through the tough times, to know that God has something bigger in store for them.
I really want to rely on other people to help me with that but I think there are things that I really have to get there myself. Through my own will overcoming my fleshly desires.

It was just last night that I was listening to this song and as my math exam was going on it just kept replaying and replaying. It's called: Something to Say - Starfield
I've got something to say
What was black and white is gray
When I'm finding it hard to believe in You
...
And faith might mean there won't be answers
And hope might mean enduring through the night
But help me not forget in darkness
The things that I believed in light
It has been very easy to seek out God but I have to admit that it's been incredibly hard to trust in God to have that faith. I'm getting tired of fighting this by myself. It's getting... too much for me. I'm tired of the long nights struggling with myself and getting no where.

I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name
I want to feel like new
I want to hunger for you
Bring me back to life like only You can do
Cause I don’t want to stay the same

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I’m here
Like I’m searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You
Rediscover You - Starfield

Like fo srs

School has never been more tough.
I'm scared out of my mind I'm not going to pass.
This has got to be the first time where i'm worried about school.
After my exam today, it's out of my control... I have to trust.
Like... fo realz T_T

I don't know what the title should be

I tried to figure it out
Time and time again and time again
I guess there's just some things I'll never understand
'Cause Your ways aren't our ways

I can't think straight.
The things that are going through my mind cause me to see things without good judgment. My thoughts are distorted and I don't feel so good.
I hate feeling like this. I hate that I can't find the right words to say or the right way to act.
It's so tempting to just give up. I want to just give up everything so that I don't have to feel this way.
I'm so distracted by these thoughts.

I don't think there is going to be sleep for me tonight.

I'm leaning on this verse for the rest of the way...
"Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6

Loaded up

It really doesn't feel like I have enough time to do everything, and I can't seem to understand the homework that I have to do. This is all becoming very overwhelming. I want an outlet where I can just let out all this stress so I can continue with all of this. Argh...

I'm not looking forward to my finals, I'm no where near prepared, and the more I think about it the more I want to shrink away. A friend of mine has pretty much given up on school, and his giving up attitude is quite infectious.... but I can't give up. I don't think I could let that happen. However... i'm very very close to slipping. I don't know what to do, it's so frustrating.

God, give me the strength to work at this. It's not the most important thing in my life... but I really want to get through this. I feel so unmotivated, so lacking in everything I'm doing. I need Your strength. I want You. I need You.

'Cause we can't fool ourselves,
into someone else's heart

Poopsicle

Ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's more to say?

Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

N'Sync

The memories I remember the most vividly are the ones from my childhood. I miss so much of the things that I use to do, I use to have. Oh man... to relive those days for just a while... it would be so awesome. Running around in the snow with my snowsuit, actually enjoying the winter, enjoying the outdoors... how different it was back then. I sometimes wish I never came to know electronics. Flying down the big hill by my house on my bike with my arms high up in the air without a care in the world. Running on the field til I got too tired. Playing soccer and getting winded leading me to vow to never touch a soccer ball ever again (I actually really like soccer). Man, what happened to me?
I miss talking on the phone, flashing each other so we could all have a conversation together... and later getting in trouble for spending too much money on it. It was worth it. Going over to my friend's house to just hang out, bike and get slurpees. I miss sitting around talking about boys and how stupid they were, playing pranks on our friends, causing a ruckus in out neighborhood. I miss the innocence, the moments where it really didn't matter where we were as long as we had fun and no matter what, we were busy doing something. I miss having so many friends that I could do anything with. We never judged each other for acting too immature or too crazy. I miss that the most. Over time it's like a line was drawn for the certain ways I can act, restrictions.
Time passed by too quickly.

Green, Pink, Orange, Magenta, Yellow

But Your love
Your love
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
It’s Your love
Your love
all I ever needed is Your love

You know the effort I have given
And you know exactly what it cost
And though my innocence was taken
Not everything is lost

School is killing me!!!!!
I'M SO TIRED T_T
When will you stop? =(
I really need to pick it up a notch.
I never really had to study to do okay and pass
BUT NOW IT'S SO DIFFERENT, WHY UNI... WHY???
But on the plus side i finally quit kumon =)
FINALLY.
Last day is next week, it shall be an exciting last day there.
It's been..... a long time since i started complaining about it, and now it is over and done with.
Wow, it sure takes me a ridiculously long time to do things =P

I really want to fix up my schedule and take some other options.. but it doesn't seem like the way i put my schedule earlier allows me to change it.

Well...
This was an extremely pointless blog lol.
BYE!

Webwork... you suck

WAH!!!
So Uni is finally showing it's true colours... or I'm just starting to feel really overwhelmed because I feel like I want to do well. That hasn't happened for a very long time. This motivation to do well in school, and to actually DO my homework that no one is checking. It's a strange thing.
And who else can I thank other than God! I've been praying to feel motivated to not leave things to the last minute, study hard in order to do well. I have no idea how well i will do on my quizzes but whatever it is I feel like I'm doing something right by just doing work and such.
I really hope that I can make it back in time from Hawaii to write my quiz. I don't want to take a 0%... it'll crush me and make me feel really bad. JIM STALLARD!!! PLEASE BE UNDERSTANDING!!!!!!! I'll talk to you again on weds T_T

I think that it's time I quit my job at Kumon. I've been meaning to do that... for oh.. I don't know... 2 years now? haha... The things I get done in life >_> When you go to work with as if it was the biggest burden in your life... I think it's time to move on and leave it behind. So... For those reading, please don't let me change my mind on this subject.

OKAY
BACK TO MATH I GO

Distractions

So camp was SUPER DUBER AMAZINGLY AWESOME. No. Those words can't even describe my time there. It's fascinating the way God works through people's lives. God is just so so so good. I was writing about my trip in my journal and just recalling the things that God did in my life, the changes He made, they all got me excited inside and it was awesome. After coming home from something like that, I didn't think that coming back to Calgary would be the biggest distraction EVER. I honestly didn't think that in just a few days, I was back to where I was before I went to camp. But it really does help, writing about my events at camp and just things like that. It brings me back and it helped renew my spirit.
Man the flesh is so weak sauce! Mine is at least. And lemme tell you that it really sucks. So more bible reading and praying for me.

School is starting and I'm freaking out. AH SCREW YOU SCHOOL. I DON'T WANT TO GO JUST YET. -sigh-

Long time no blog!!!

I am super excited for camp!
I haven't been to a camp since grade 8 for band camp.... I did not personally enjoy it all that much. The most enjoyable camp that I have ever had was in grade 6 for outdoor school. That... was a good time =)
Wow.. isn't is sad how this is my first one? You'd think that after... many many years of attending the church i would have gone to at least one.. but nope... this is my first one. I'm really looking forward to what God has in store for me. I didn't think too much about it until the time to go to camp creeped up on me.

Yay! I'm really pumped for this!!!

And the sun went down

My backyard is actually very pretty. Huh... I just noticed =)

SO I'M FINALLY DONE... DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE T_T
and... yet... i don't feel the least bit free. I feel as though i'm still bound to high school because i still don't know how i did on my tests. SOOOOOOO i'll try not to think about that.
But ya, I really can't think of anything else... so NIGHTS!

AH!!!

GRAD ON SAAAATTTURDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
OH MY GOODNESSSSS!!!!!!
ALREADY?!?!?!???!?!?!?
and it's going to rain and possibly snow.
SO HOPEFULLYYYY WE CAN ALL PRAY IT DOESN'T AND GOD'S GOING TO GIVE ME A SUNNY GRAD DAY =)that would be great =)
Even if it doesn't... I'LL HAVE SNOW AT MY GRAD. Way betta than psh... the sun right????

Yes... yes.. i should calm down.
Anyways.....

OMGOSH GRAD IN 2 DAYS

AHHHHHHH

Now.. i understand why it takes forever for us to get our timetables. I UNDERSTAND THE PAIN NOW. I UNDERSTAND.

=(
but i'm finally done!
..................
now to wait for May25th, 2:00 (MT)!!!!!!!

Long Weekend

It's long weekend and I'm suppose to be feeling happy... BUT I'm not. I have too much to do and too much to think about even though I'm not suppose to. Scholarship essays =( Study for calculus and physics =( Building schedule for Uni (I know it's suppose to be exciting and all but I'm really not in the mood to feel it so...) =(

Things to look forward to this weekend?
IB PICNIC PARTY =D
That deserves a smile.
Kinda.

Anywhooooooo...
Nights!

Boom

Dear Today,
My head exploded.
Thanks Calculus. Love you too.

White Walls

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now

Listening to this song makes me so happy. From the inside out, I feel joy just spewing out of my guts. IT'S LIKE OOZING OUT OF MY SKIN. Sounds prreeeee gross but i have to admit, i have not been this hyped up for a long time. Who knew that replaying this song over and over again would do this. Religion. My faith is not tied down by that word. It's not something like that... nope. It's definitely more like falling in love. Diving deeper into the the meaning of my walk with God, it never started with something like religion, I don't think I've ever seen it like that. More like the way He loved me, helped me up, and saved me WITH His love.

I honestly cannot calm down right now. I don't know why, it was very sudden. ANYWAYS!!!
Good night all =)
I hope hope hope hope you all have a wonderful night filled with sweet sweet dreams!!!

It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me


P.S. I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
I really really liked this line from the song =D

=)

"She tells me she wants to be a raindrop, she doesn't mind falling... as long as she's not alone... and raindrops... are never alone."
-When Five Fell

That has got to be the best that WongFu has come out with so far. I loved At Musing's End, BUT WHEN FIVE FELL IS JUST MIND BLASTING. I don't even know how many times i've rewatched this and not doing homework. AMAZING!!!!!!
It gives me such a .... captivated feeling, and i'm not sure how i can describe it. Every shot, every word, had so much depth and meaning to it. To be honest, i didn't really get it at first. But after rewatching it and realizing that there was more than meets the eye in the video, it got better. Everytime i watched it, it got even better. YOU MUST ALL WATCH!!!!!

Check It

Lyrics:
Verse 1
Now Hollywood wants to make you think they know what love is. But I'm a tell you what true love is. Love is not what you see in the movies. Its not the ecstasy, its not what you see in that scene, you know what I mean? I'm telling you right now, true love is sacrifice. Love is thinking about others before you think about yourself, love is selfless not selfish. Love is God and God is love. Love is when you lay down your life for another, whether for your brother, your mother, your father or your sister, its even laying down your life for your enemies, that's unthinkable, but think about that. Love is true. Think.

Chorus:

I'll put you in front of me
So everybody can see
My love, this is my love

I know that I'll be alright
As long as you are my guide
My love, this is my love

Verse 2
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, it always perseveres.
Love never fails. Love is everlasting, its eternal, it goes on and on, it goes beyond time, love is the only thing that will last when you die, but ask the question why? Do you have love?

Chorus

Verse 3
There is no greater love than this than he who lays down his life for his friends. Now are you willing to lay down your life for your friends? You're probably willing to lay down your life for your mother, your father, or your best friends, but are you willing to lay down your life for even those that hate you? I'm going to tell you who did that, the definition of love is Jesus Christ. He is love. The nails in his hands, the thorns in his brow, hanging on a cross for your sin my sins, that is LOVE he died for you and me while we still hated him, that is love. God is true love, and if you don't know this love, now is the time to know, perfect love.

Chorus

You'll Come

As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
As certain as the dawn appears

=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

When We Say

"Love and relationships are never like the movies no matter how much we want them to be. But when something beautiful ends, for whatever reason, it's most important not to be disappointed that it's over, but glad that it happened at all."

I have been waiting for AJ Rafael's When We Say music video since... since.. well since Wong Fu showed the trailer. Freaken cute. The song is so amazing, but I really liked the original version where he sings it live. Man, that guy has a voice that could blow you away.

Well, that's all I really wanted to put up haha.

this is the part when we say were in love
and the part where we have our first kiss
but this ain't a movie
i know you cant come with me
you got your life

Never Let Me Go

Love who you love
With all that you have
And don't waste the time
That flies so fast

Currently, I feel as though someone has rudely stepped on my stomach a few hundred times but has not been satisfied enough to stop. Unfortunately, this is not because of the 30 hour famine but from very unpleasant things that has made it's way into my life. It's making me feel like my heart is going to burst and my insides feel as though it's sunk so far down that it cannot possibly make it's way back into it's original positions.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

HOWEVER, at least I still have a to do list with someone very special!!! And I shall now list them as follows:
1. Live close/next door
2. Fly a kite
3. MOVIES!!!!!!
4. S.N.O.W.
5. SUMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER CAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(with more to come =D )

Hold on as tight as they'll let you

It's Your Love

Beyond the tomb to holy skies
He rose in victory
And bridged for us the great divide
His life is our liberty

And all the praise and glory to God
We sing Hallelujah sing Hallelujah
For the King has carried the cross
He is risen from the grave

Do you ever have those moments where a person can say all the words that you never knew you needed to hear more than ever? All the feelings that were trapped inside, and all the words that I kept locked away... I had no idea the damage it was doing to me. Lately I've been putting myself down with some pretty harsh words. And who knew that the words that I say to myself would hurt so much, and up 'til now, I believed every single one of those words. From all the things that have been happening I kept thinking that I deserved all the bad things that were happening to me, and that there was no way out of it. I didn't think that being happy was a choice anymore and I blamed myself for all the things that went wrong. I knew it was wrong to think that, but I couldn't bring myself to wipe away all the negativity.

It's not like God didn't try to show me that things aren't meant to be like that but today, words were spoken that touched my heart and with this realization it really hit home. It was everything that was bringing me down, and I can finally feel like breathing again. And... that feels really good.

It's Your Love
That has saved me.

THE DATE IS SO WRONG lol, it's April 9th!!!

POST 200

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

If God sent angels onto this Earth, it must be the people around me. Every single one of them. Today was a really good day. I don't think that I could pick out one thing that was not good. I really needed today.. just to have God let me know that I can be happy. Even after everything, I can still be happy. Thinking about that makes me feel a bit more relieved. This past month everything has been going downhill. Relationships, friends, school, family. Everything. Not a hair has slipped by that wasn't bad. Somehow... everything that happened today, the laughter, the cold, the people, pictures, it just soothed me a bit. Washed my worries away.. even if it was just briefly. That was enough to recharge my nasty old batteries. Thank God.

By today I mean yesterday as I am writing this at 2:24 in the morning. This blog post started yesterday, I promise haha.

Well... it's getting late, but I don't feel like sleeping yet, but..... Good night!

I Think I'm Going Crazy

I. Seriously. Can't. Drive.

I find that for some reason. The more I drive, the more I fear for the next time I drive. Today was a terrific example of as to why the world would be a much more peaceful place without me driving. I should just hire a personal chauffeur. Like seriously. Right now, as I sit here, I honestly think that I will receive a ticket in the mail. And like always, I can't stop thinking about it. I thought that driving yesterday was actually pretty good, and I felt better about everything. AND THEN I JUST HAD TO GET LOST AND FEEL SO FLUSTERED TO THE POINT WHERE I NO LONGER KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING ON THE ROAD. AND WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MR. POLICEMAN WHY???????????? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO HONK AT ME??? I TRIED TO GIVE YOU ENOUGH ROOM, REALLY, AND HONESTLY, I DID!!!!!!!!! T_T

and....
I still haven't gone up to Nosehill by myself yet. I don't think that's going to happen anymore.

Bits and Pieces

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

To think that it's too late to say the things that you want to say from the bottom of your heart is really just an excuse. I can't say that now, because I still have the chance to tell the people I love how I do love them, just how much I care about them and just how much they mean to me. On the contrary, right now my heart is bending backwards and forwards with a lot of movement, it's making me sick. I can't help but regret all the time I've kept my mouth shut and feeling all the wrong emotions. In that way... I can't stop blaming myself for a lot of the things that have happened lately. I really do wonder why everything bad has to happen at the exact same time. One would think that these events are just for a little while, but... no. It's not like that. Actually it's more like, more and more issues happened one after the other and began to pile up unresolved. Everything happening is like a slap in the face, a shove into the sideline and a round-house kick to top it off. Kind of like the cherry on top of the ice cream... except it's not so sweet. It's a bitter cherry.

To honestly say, i haven't been thinking in the right mind and I'm finding my way back onto the path to be so hard. However, I can't deny the fact that throughout all these problems I'm having, God has been there 101% of the time. He's probably given more than I could give my life to thank him. I'm really grateful God has given me the time, and the reminders that I've been missing. As I write this, things become more and more clear that I have to take the chances he's giving me to do something about it, and to use it in the way I want to make Him proud. These past months... these past years... I've been nothing but a disappointment.

I pray for healing and for guidance, not just for me, but for anyone who needs it too.


Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is mighty to save,
He is mighty to save
Forever, author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

1 + 1 = Window

4 out of 5 people agreed that 1 person out of the 5 will always disagree with the other 4.
(Haha) I really enjoyed that.

ANYWAYSSSSSSS....
So calculus has officially caused my brain explode a series of times HOWEVER... these explosions were done in a very satisfied way as... I enjoyed thinking how that problem actually worked.
Another thing is... WHY ON EARTH HAVE I NEVER LEARNED SIMILAR TRIANGLES?? This absurdity has caused me much frustration.
I need to do well in calculus T_T

I'm beginning to really like physics for some reason. The math and theory... okay it doesn't always make sense to me but i really like the math behind it... or physicscal mathism behind it o_O ALSO, I have no idea what's going on in Chemistry... this may be due to the fact that I have not done hw for that class in a long time... wow.... go figure.

WELLL. It's that time again... to do hw -cough-sudoku/brainage-cough-
Good night world.

Love Ever After

No, there's not life after you
Of course that "you" would be You.

"Love ever after"... I really like that for some reason. It's almost like.. "happily ever after" but there are no.. happily ever afters. However, love ever after, is possible. I like that.

Beauty and the Beast

Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme

Beauty and the Beast

That was a beautiful movie. I always find that I am constantly reminding myself that the outside is just a shell. It's the inside that really matters. It is something that is very hard to achieve. Everyone is always judging, and critically analyzing each other. Finding myself that way is very disappointing to say the least. I don't want to shallowly look at people, i really want to see something deeper in everyone because those are the things that really matter.
So maybe when you do find that Beast, he doesn't always turn into a handsome prince, but if you do find him, when a person looks past a shell they see something very beautiful. Even as I say this, I do doubt myself if I can do that, I'll be honest. Whatever is to be set in my future, it's in God's hands. And i'll leave those things to Him.

This reminds me of a rock I got in elementary school that I keep by my bed. It's my little smack in the face. A guest brought in this big ugly white rock to our classroom, and he asked for someone to come and break it open. Obviously, breaking something, WITH PERMISSION, is something very rare, and so I put up my hand. I don't think it was a coincidence that I got chosen to do that... now that I think about it. When I broke it open, inside was a beautiful mineral... it was somewhat like clear blue crystals. Luckily for me, I got to keep it. This is just one of God's little touches to tell me something and I'm grateful.

I haven't been able to sleep well lately. I keep getting bad dreams. That just goes to show that I still have many unsolved problems. I wonder when this will end. LaLaLa?

Pray, Heaven's Waiting Now

And Jesus is just a breath away
Pray

I want to pray for so many people, and for so many things.
I pray for the people who are going through hardships in their lives... when they've met a wall so high that they no longer know how to get around or over it. I pray for God's grace to fall on them, give them a sense of family, hold them in Your arms and guide them in the direction You want them to walk. Lord God, my heart breaks for her.

I pray for the sick and the hurt. May it be physically or emotionally, I pray for healing because God, You're the only one who can do it.

I pray for guidance and pointers. I didn't realize how much I was relying completely on myself to get through everything... when... You were the one who was there pushing me along and picking me up when I fell. For that, I feel ashamed and sincerely sorry for being selfish and being so self centered. I can't find the answers to anything, and I feel like there is no longer a road I can see to take.

Last part of English... TODAY!! I feel very nervous... I hope and pray I'll do well.
Praise the Lord.

Sleepless nights

I am extremely tired. Actually, I've been tired since I got up. And here I am... not willing to sleep, not willing to do anything. There are too many things on my mind. Now now, don't get me wrong. I really like sleeping... but right now... I just don't want to sleep. I feel like there are too many things that need to be done, but I just don't want to do any of it. Why? Great question, I wish I knew the answer. You know what? I wish i knew the the answers to my physics exam, and my social exam and my english exam. How wonderful that would be.

I went to tutorials this morning for social and i realized that my paper that I wrote, was a big pile of poo. Just this one ginormous, big, nasty pile of poo. And as of right now... just thinking about it makes me die a little inside. I died a little writing it, now I just died more thinking about it. The sad thing is, the only possible cure of not thinking about it is playing video games. RIGHT SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF EXAMS.

Another thing. I should not be allowed to drive. Everytime I drive something goes wrong. Why me? Come on, I really like driving, so why??? GAH.

Maybe I should sleep... my head hurts... ahh..... I don't want to think anymore.. just let everything shut down.. AHAEROVU OATVK 09T4IKOAG KOV o;

Night.

From One World to Another

My friends always bring up such interesting topics. I have a friend who didn't like to read books because when they finished the book, it felt like they were leaving that world. I never thought about books... or even movies in that way. Now that I think about it, when I'm reading a book, I am immersed into that world. With Harry Potter, it was amazing to read about sorcery or like... Hogwarts... and being in a magical world. Even with the book Night. That world... was indeed a very dark one... but it gave me insight. Then, I came across another very interesting thing while on Soompi in the current events section. The perfection of Avatar has caused people depression in the way that they could never live in that kind of a beautiful world. I read an article on that, and how people ended up contemplating suicide because they would wake up to the dull Earth.

I was going to write more.. but my brain has died, and I can't think. Good night.

If walls could talk

IF PETER CHAO CAN JUMP OFF A DRESSER, SO CAN I. Unfortunately, I do not have a dresser...

Although I am currently stressing over my social paper tomorrow... and also stressing over my English paper that I wrote today.. I AM STILL SOMEHOW NOT GETTING TO WORK. WHY?? Arrggh... I shake my mighty fist at the lovely dovey romance dramas that I keep watching.. and rewatching... and I just can't seem to stop. -Sigh-

I had an intense discussion with Tammy about having a real man as a boyfriend. So very hard to find these days. (haha) jk, but we did bring it up. I am too unsatisfied with too many things. AND SO... i should just be satisfied with everything. A solution to everything.

I am contemplating whether or not to study social or not. Even though the answer is quite obvious, I can't seem to push myself anymore then this. AHHHHHHHHHHH. KAy... if i don't study.. i'm just gonna go and punch myself in the face. That will not only hurt my face, but it will also cause slight damage to my hand as well. OKAY TIME TO FOCUS. NO MORE BLOGGING.

He's Dedicated to Roses

<3<3<3<3<3<3
What a wonderful manga that stole all my time as I was suppose to do homework. I ended up staying up til 2 am in the morning... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Kay... now i shall re-read that manga. It made my heart skip a beat. Always a good thing =)

Well... Physics homework here I come. Lalala, and I am now going to stay up late once again.

WHY IS IT 2010???

So... We were all gathered together at my friend's house for a new years eve celebration and for the countdown... and... there was a specific conversation that was brought up which made me terribly sad and depressed. 2009, 2008, 2007.. (so on and so on) WILL NEVER EVER COME BACK. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....

The truth, and the realization hurts me. I have yet to do so many things, and I have not done anything... really. (Insert a very sad face)

And you know what else? 2010 means that I am getting closer to my birthday. And my birthday means I will turn 18. I DON'T WANT TO BE LEGAL AND HAVE PEOPLE BE ABLE TO SUE ME AND ARREST ME. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... that sucks. Well... as much as I am being paranoid about 2010, I had a really excellent new years day with my buddies. Oh they make me happy. And school in 2 days. I really didn't want to mention that, but by doing that I realize that I still have homework to do, and much studying to do. Hurray. And good job Dana for procrastinating this long. You really fail.

ZOMBIFIED

Yes, it is true.
I AM NOW ZOMBIFIED.
=(
That means.... I got my H1N1 shot. As much as i dislike stuff being poked into my arm... i try not to think about the things that are actually going into my body through it. THAT has already caused me enough troubles.
This includes: Sharing drinks and sharing ear buds
I just think too closely about these two things and I need not to describe them.
AND LUCKY ME. ARGH!!! I now owe the library approximately $0.40 =( and i can't renew the book because of the holds that it has. I WAITED FOR THIS BOOK.. and I still haven't read it. -sigh- Oh well, i'll just borrow it from a friend.

I have fallen in love with the drama The Most Beautiful Seventh Day. Yup, it is super predictable, and it's not really that sad... but i still cried =P I find how everything has it's own connections to another is just... magical, and I love it. I am a mad, die hard fan of romantic comedies =D
I'm such a loser, BUT this is something I am totally not afraid to admit.

PEACE OUT PEOPLE, it's CHRISTMAS EVE =)

Two is Better Than One

That song is sooooo amazing =)
It makes me so happy inside, and it's just currently stuck in my head.. and it won't get out... so that causes a few problems. Oh Well.
i'm so tired.... and i'm going to Zoo Lights tomorrow with... Girl from LA, brother and brother's girlfriend. Lalalala, that's going to be weird. I never go anywhere with my brother. Unless he is complaining to me while he is driving me home. That is a different story though. LALALALALALALALA

meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
and so it goes on and on and on.

SOCIAL!!! YOU STRESS ME OUT, AS DO YOU PHYSICS, AS DO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh and how could i forget english. -shakes head-

this blog has been very very very random. LALALALALA
AND MICHAEL HURRY UP AND REPLY TO MY TEXT
AHHHHH!!!!

LOL Smiley Face

What a terrible song that is, haha. Catchy title though!
So as of the moment, the Student Center on the University of Calgary website is not working. That means I can't submit my scholarship application. And this causes me a lot of stress which leads me to blog about it. As I am blogging, I have a few rather important things to do, however, I am not doing it. That means, tonight, I'll be sleeping late... just like last night. NOT GOOD.

I'm not sure if i should apply to the University of British Columbia or not. I mean even if I get accepted... I probably don't want to go, then it would be a waste of money. I really hope that I get into Business.. because I really don't know what I would do other than that. ARGH, thinking for my future is extremely hard.

I am sooooo tiredd!!!! And I've been looking for a new blog layout or make my own when I have time to figure out all this html stuff. -sigh- AHHH SO TIRED.

Dana + lack of sleep = (a very angry Dana)^2 = super saiyan x full moon = giant monkey

Pause, Play, Stop

The world would be a rather boring place if all of time stopped. Even for a moment, I don't think I could stand that much stillness. But... If i really think about it. It might be something that was worth thinking about for the very least. The moment that time stopped, a person could carefully examine all that is around them and just take a brief moment to really look around. Look at a stranger's face and try to understand the complex story behind that frozen face. I wonder. I always wonder what kind of a story that a person holds.
In English we've been reading into the Holocaust a lot. Actually... reading it made me question how those events really happened. I really don't understand how it was possible.. for something like that to happen. "And the world just stood idly by and watched". The pain, the suffering... no one... that's not right, no thing should ever go through such humiliation, such... emotional pain. Really. Where was God in all of that? I don't think I have the right to question. While reading the book "Night" by Elie Wiesel.... wow what a guy. His own perspective of life is just inspiring. And... reading the interview with Oprah (presented in class), as a man coming out of that hell... there was no hate in him towards the people that tortured him, that brought on that hell, he took on an entirely different view on life that I don't think I could ever understand... but just trying to understand, there is some kind of understanding... if that made any sense. Trying to explain my thoughts through words if very hard. Maybe it's because these feelings I have don't actually make that much sense, even to me, but n it's own way it makes sense... but only to me. WOW. That made no sense.

There's a lot to understand in this world. My problems that I face... they do feel so insignificant to another person's issue. But honestly. What is there to compare? Why is it that one has to always compare one's situation to see which one is worse? Does it make it that much better? "Questions bring people together. Answers tear people apart" A quote I got from a reading that Elie Wiesel said himself. It makes a lot of sense to a lot of worldly issues, but of course (haha) one could argue.

I just have too many complex feelings. I don't want to feel them actually. I don't enjoy the extra stress it brings onto my life. However, I don't feel like I really need to dispose of those feelings.
What stupid feelings I have. I need to stop thinking altogether. My thoughts don't even make sense anymore.

Pepsi

You can never say never
Why we dont know when
Time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go...

I don't think I could ever stand being alone. Okay, maybe from time to time when I just need some time for myself.. but other than that, I love to be surrounded by people. Loneliness... to me, it's the worst feeling in the world. To have people who won't abandon you, to have people recognize you, to have people welcome you with open arms... it helps people walk a little further no matter how bad things get. There were times in my life, when I felt like I had no friends, no one to trust and I could only depend on myself. That was difficult. But then a friend came along and reached out His hands to me. I don't ever want to let go of those hands. For as long as I live, Those hands will touch my heart and lift me up. God, don't ever let me go, not even for a moment. Know that... no matter how far I stray, I will always come back to you, so don't let me stray, keep me on the path to Your glory.
Don't let me go.

NOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE

My house... is always so noisy. It's really very hard to find peace and quiet in any part of the house in any time of day. The only time of day that it's ACTUALLY quiet is.... at night when everyone is asleep. Wait no. That's not entirely true. The basement.... When i'm trying to finish up homework, my grandmother would come out of her room every 30 mins or so, and go to the washroom, or come and scold me to go to sleep especially if it's an urgent assignment due to procrastination. I really just want some kind of quietness... that would be nice. BUT THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE IN MY CURRENT SITUATION.

Physics.... hates me. BUT I STILL DON'T HATE YOU !!!!!! OKAY????? SO PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE. JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE AND WATCH WE WILL WORK THINGS OUT!!!!!!!!! DON'T DO THIS TO MEEEE!!!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS I'M DOING THAT MAKES YOU MAD AT ME, SO SO, TELL ME AND I'LL BE BETTER, I PROMISE!!!
(I am that desperate)

Siblinggggg

I don't know what I would do without my brother. He is possibly the only person I have yet to know... to make me laugh when I feel my worst. No matter what he does to make me really mad, or what he does to hurt me, or what he does to annoy me, I still love this guy. I don't know how he does it, but I always feel better after talking to him. He gives... different perspectives, never the cliche, and.... he's my brother, he's a part of me in the way that we are connected by blood. It makes me happy that there is someone like that for me.

There are honestly a lot of things that I need to get done, and I really haven't done anything. I'm suppose to write a short story by Nov.1, soooo.. I don't know how i'm going to get that done for the scholarship. ARGH!! I really like writing short stories. But... I'm no good at them. Mmm.. My eyes are itching for sleep, so night all =)

Green, Yellow, Red

Keep tryna turn back the page, but it still feels like...
Romeo & Juliet.
I wanna love you but I
just cant seem to do it yet.

I never know whether i should stop or not when the lights are turning from green to yellow, and eventually red. AH, stressful. What if life just had no stress in it? That... would also be stressful. Because then I wouldn't have anything to do. And life would be boring.
I'm really excited to start this mentorship program. At first i was a bit unsure whether or not I would want to waste my fridays doing this... I eventually came to the conclusion... after thinking it over and over again, that I would do this. I'm not sure how this is going to go, but oh welps. We'll see =)
Man, I am obsessed with shoujo mangas T_T They are just so cute! Makes me wish that I had a love like this.
Today was possibly the easiest most... relaxing working saturday that I've had in a while. When the studio gets a bit busier, i don't get as restless.
I'm so scared about what I'm headed into. University seems so scary, so far away... yet so close. I'm not really sure what to go into, and everything seems like a mess of things at the moment.
I was out with dinner with the fam, and I was talking to my cousin and we got into a discussion of religion. There are so many things in this world. There is one Bible, and there are billions of people, each one with a different perspective. Everyone has a different interpretation of the Bible, a different set of morals and values. It's a confusing thing, and there are so many things that I don't understand, and I question a lot about the things that I might read about and I can't seem to just put one finger on one thing. I know that God is real, I know that much. But it seems everything else is muddled and very hard to understand. I'm trying to grasp something that turns into a million other things.


AHHHHHHHHHHHH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SCHOLARSHIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENGLISH

I've decided that... I don't hate English. In fact, I love the language. I love writing, and it's a great thing to be able to write even though I have absolutely no talent in that area. It shows... through my marks. I just finished writing my take home essay that my teacher assigned about a week or two ago. I was suppose to get it done last night, but instead... I decided that sleep was more important. I ended up regretting that big time when morning came and I dreamed that my essay was written up. Luckily, my teacher is extremely lenient and nice, and she told us that the deadline was tonight at midnight AND I PRAY THAT I WROTE DOWN THE RIGHT EMAIL. I missed my friend's birthday and church to do this. AND I SPENT A LOT OF TIME WRITING THIS. So hopefully I'll get a decent mark. But... It's better if I don't have my hopes up because it never ends well. Surprisingly, I'm doing better in both of my writing classes than I am in Physics 20. I feel really sad when I think about that. But in a way I'm glad.
I don't enjoy driving anymore. People are crazy on the roads sometimes. I almost got into an accident today, and thank the Lord, that no one was hurt. I don't mind so much that something will happen to my license and demerit points or anything, it's just that my 2 good friends were in the car and I would regret for the rest of my life if anything happened to them, and I was driving. Also, I would hate for the insurance of my parents to go up because of me, AND SO... driving is not so fun anymore. My conclusion? I don't like driving, it adds too much stress to my life.
I was talking to a friend(?) of mine (I put a question mark because we have a hate/like relationship -laughs-) and he was telling me his dream was to do nothing for the rest of his life and live a carefree life but still have the income coming to him. After that, he told me that he had no ambition in his life. Then I thought about that and I thought that I also had no ambition in my life. I don't know what I want in life and I can't decide on a career choice or what I want to go into for university. I might not have enough of an average to get into business, and then I'm screwed. Why business? I have no idea. I don't even know what there is that I could go into and here I am, deciding that it would be what I'm going to go into. This all sucks very much.
I have motivated myself, and I am now going to do my homework accordingly, no more procrastination.

Seaweed

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say

I don't think I've felt this insecure in a while. It's been a while. This feeling feels like an old friend that I really don't want to have around. But... It's coming back. I've always yearned for some sort of stability in my life, or just to feel safe.. to feel secure. I found in Jesus Christ a long time ago. After my faith consistently wavered, I find myself in the place I began. That was not what I wanted nor was it intended. I told myself over and over again that I never want to go back to who I was, so why am I here right back to the place I hated the most. My concentration on everything that's important is no longer on a focus. I feel like there is something holding me back, that's wrapped around me uncomfortably and I can't seem to break free from it. I don't know what I want in life and university is just around the corner. I don't want to waste a year of my life because life is too short for time to be wasted. When I reach out to the world, and I could be doing that for years. Eventually my arm gets tired because it feels like nothing is reaching back to take hold of my hand. I want to run. Far away. From everything. But.. I can't, I feel like I'm held back by this invisible chain and.... it's the farthest I can go.
There was once a girl that loses her memory every 13 hours, and her life of the previous day is held in her little diary telling her who she is, and how this life of her's came to be. After the 13 hours, an hour of her day disappears in the following hour. A memory defect that happened because of an accident 4 years ago. She asked a boy that she met at an abandoned train station a math question that went a little like this: A stake is driven in a field, and a sheep is tied to it. The sheep keeps munching the grass. What is the area of the resulting circle?. The boy replied: The square of the length of the string is pi, right? Instead of answering the question she says: It seems the sheep even eats the roots of the grass. The grass can’t grow back, and the plain turns into a desert. When I heard this question, I saw an image of that tied sheep slowly starving to death. That was the way her life was described, something bound by a chain and the farthest her hands can reach is 13 hours. Slowly, very slowly, her existence meant little to nothing. However, losing her memory was not her biggest fear. What she was truly afraid of was disappearing from the memories of everyone else.

What a day

Here is possibly the only good part of my day haha.
Ðana says:
what up what up
my name is future ♡ says:
ceiling
Ðana says:
excellent
i'm glad it's still up
my name is future ♡ says:
ya i know today was so windy
Ðana says:
LOL

YOU MAY NOT HAVE FOUND IT FUNNY... but i most certainly did =D
So.... i had a very sad day, failed my drivers =( and i got mouthed and sworn at but a relatively old lady for driving a bit below speed limit. Such angry people. She even took the effort to jerk her car to a stop next to mine and do that. WHY SO ANGRY????? After that I got so sad that I made my mom drive the rest of the way home. Now... I have to redo it. And this time... I'M READY OKAY??? I'M READY. I PAID FOR IT THIS TIME SOOOO... I'MA TAKE IT LIKE LIKE A SPANISH BULL AND I'MA HAVE MY RED CLOTH AND THEN I'LL TAKE IT ON.
And.. that is all for today T_T

Rent-a-Friend

I was reading an article on this Japanese business that was booming called Rent-a-friend. I personally thought it was very interesting to market something like that. So it basically gives people someone to fake as their lover, cousin, uncle, family member, best friend... friend. Something that stood out to me while reading the article was that people would pay to have someone at their wedding to be their pretend father/uncle for them to walk down the bride down an aisle because they didn't have anyone like that in the R.L. I thought that was very cute... yet sad. But aside from that, it was funny thing to read about. I read about a lot of interesting current events, such as a man who fell in love with a 2-D character from Da Capo and he like deemed her as his girlfriend saying he has real feelings for her. The man carries a pillow of her around with her... . There was this really touching article that I read which was soooo adorable. This man and his wife lived in a rural area (China) and they lived in a cave on top of a really steep hill and because the man's wife had a hard time getting down the hill, he hand carved her 6000+ steps down the hill just for her convenience. A LADDER OF LOVE. I was so moved. And then there are the simple things that people do that are actually very romantic. I read this article about a man who would go out and buy his wife of 60 years, a fresh rose to put by her beside every day and gives her a kiss every morning and at every night before she sleep. How can one not be moved by SUCH GREAT FORCES OF LOVE.

Come on Naruto, HURRY UP AND UPDATE TO YOUR NEWEST CHAPTER ALREADY.!!

Below is a picture of the man and his girlfriend. Oh and he's only 37.

Your Love, Your Everlasting Love

My finger tips are starting to become very red and painful... yet this brings some sort of accomplishment to me. I started to play Bubbly by Colbie Caillat and like... I can get the strumming down, but when I start to sing along with it, it... doesn't work. This means I need more work haha, I honestly love Mr. Hoon, gosh, I can spend hours just sitting there with my fingers in pain playing the guitar. With the piano (who I also love) it's more difficult to do what I want because my family has a disorder in which they cannot stop watching tv, and the tv is quite distracting especially the noise level that my dad watches it at. And when the house is finally quiet, it's because it's time to sleep... and I lose the chance to play in quiet. With the guitar, I can play as long as I want even when they are asleep since it's transportable... which is awesome! I really want to tone up my piano free styling though haha, I love to rock out on the piano. That's why I have considered buying an electronic keyboard to put in my room... but... it's expensive and my room no longer has any room for anything... and due to the fact that I refuse to organize and clean up my room... that causes some issues.
I really want to start graphics designing and stuff related to arts and photography, it's really starting to appeal to me... BUT, I know.. I'm no good at it... Come to think of it... I'm not good at anything. Like I'm average, but I don't excel in any area of... well... basically everything. I did really bad on my physics unit test... and so now I feel quite depressed although not as depressed as I thought i would be. Probably because it's not as important right about now. I actually have not been doing much homework or anything in general, I keep getting distracted and sidetracked and this is really affecting my work ethics and such. I blame IB. Where can I find motivation? It's very hard, I HAVE STEP IT UP. I honestly need to do well because it's not only for my sake BUT FOR ..... okay I don't really have anything else, but I guess I could get more motivation if I'm doing this for God. And thinking of it just now, makes me more pumped. That is the sign of good things to come.
I can't wait to drive!! AHH!!! I honestly love the thought of being able to get to places faster. Haha, and my driving skillage is increasing, so... hopefully by the end of next week I will have it. I would get it this week but apparently it's snowing on saturday... now that won't do will it? OKAY TIME TO DO PHYSICS AND STUDY SOMETHING!! LET'S DO THIS. I really should start earlier shouldn't I?

Well, I end here now.

BAAAAAAAAI

You Found Me

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor

The Fray comes out with some pretty good stuff, I just found this song from MorganThen doing a cover for it. That guy is so talented and more than that, he incorporates some exotic taste into the music that he does a cover for like that asian string thing (i'm so bad at describing things) and the bongo thing =P Goooo Morganthen!

Decisions, decisions, decisions. University, relationships, family, everything in life just seems to be based off of the decisions one makes. I like to think of the long term and it seems like because of that I've become this insane crazy woman that thinks too much. I'm going to become psychotic for that one of these days. A lot of the times I just feel so insecure by the decisions that I make and so it makes me think that I could never lead in anything or become a leader in anything because these are people who make all the big decisions and stuff. I guess that has caused me a lot of set backs and what I'm willing to do. I want to leave these decisions all to God but it's so hard to set aside my thoughts and just let God take the driver's seat.
Hopefully one of these days... it'll just settle down... and I don't have to stress for like one day. I keep thinking that once something is over I won't have to stress about it anymore, but for a year or two now, I can't stop stressing about something. It's crazy. I need to calm down .

9/9/9

September 9th, 2009
Hmm... I think the Chinese people would have liked it more September 9th, 1999, more nines haha. There are still so many things that are heavy in my heart these days. So very many. Family problems, relationship problems, ... problems with myself. Just too many problems. As much as I wish that they would all just go away and I'll live my life happily ever after... Ya, it's not going to happen. I really want to make grade 12 memorable for me. It's my last year of high school before I most on to post-secondary where ever that may be. I've been talking to my counselor and then I got sent to the... CALM guy. I guess I'm starting to get a better picture of what I might want to go into. Honestly, it's more researching and finding what I like more than anything. So some things that have been bothering me is... my grade 9 piano exam mark sheet has somehow disappeared. Another thing is.. Even though I'm done my grade 10 piano exam, i'm not satisfied with it. I feel very uneasy about it. I have considered taking my ARCT but now with my unpleasant mark and my unwillingness to redo grade 10, it looks like I'm not going to take it. -sigh-
I thought finishing grade 10 piano would be a huge relief for me, but... now it just feels like I'm missing a part of me. I've played piano for about 13 years, and I started when I was 4. Thinking about that now, really wows me. Not that I'm any good at piano, it's just the length of time that I spent on it... makes me happy. Now that I have so much spare time, I've been filling it with school activities. I never did like school activities but because it IS my last year, I want to do something fulfilling with it. I really want to watch the movie 9, it looks really cool. Wow, way off topic here.
There are a lot of things I want to accomplish at the moment. One consists of actually getting my homework done... and the main one is to really focus on God. I keep losing track and I've begun to totally fade from it. Everytime this happens, it just drives me ridiculously crazy. To me, life without God is meaningless. So, I know what's important and I will strive to make things in my life that are important, first.

And so the story goes on

It seems that all that I've feared has come to a conclusion. There is just no more doubt in what I feel. The hard part would be to confront it... Something I have never been successful in doing. It feels as though if I don't act on it... my heart will just get eaten away. I honestly don't know if my decisions will turn into something I'll like, but... I have a feeling that I probably won't regret it. I have never known what is best, and I probably never will. I just know that there are decisions that I have to choose in order to continue on with my life. Everything would be easier if I could just close my eyes and wish away everything that troubles me and I won't have to deal with anything. Life would be too simple... and in this world, it's never simple... or at least when you start to grow up. Another factor why I hate growing up.
There has been things going on at home that I just don't really feel. Days like today just makes me want to shrivel up in a corner and hope and hope someone will come by and make it all better.
All of hope and all of what I really want right now is for God to take over. The driver's seat really isn't what I'm set for. My need to focus on God seems to be growing more and more... And to be with someone who can't share that aspect of me... I don't think I can handle it anymore. The most important thing in my life can't be shared with someone who I want to share my life would... just doesn't mix.

Honestly, i don't know when to act on it, nor do I know when I'll build enough courage. Hurting people... just isn't my forte.

每分每秒每一個聲音

Ever have your mind mess with what you want? It's either my heart or my mind that's just playing with me. It likes to turn a 180 on me and leave me exactly where I started. I can't think things through nor can I feel my way out. I'm confused as to where I truly want to be. It feels like something is clawing at my heart, aching to get my attention but I just can't seem to tune in. I can't seem to put myself into a state of serenity and calm every inch of me just to think. I feel so agitated and irritated that I just want to punch a wall!!! I'm sure I could make a hole in it, but it would be more harm than good. After all, I'd have to tell my parents about a hole in the wall, and I know they would not be happy with me. And just for that reason, I will resist all temptations of punching a wall. Maybe if I a nice big punching bag that I could whack, oh so nice. I should take up kick boxing O_O (laughs) However, a facebook quiz told me that as a pokemon I would be Machamp, wahaha, I'm so macho, that makes me feel great =)

Hopefully sooner or later... hopefully sooner...... I'll eventually dig my way out of this one. There's always light at the end of a tunnel, and I guess until I've come to a full out conclusion of my feelings and where I want to be, I'll be stuck, in a hole, perhaps in a tunnel with no idea where this is leading me.

4 hours????

Once again, I am missing 4 hours of wonderful payment for sitting.
It makes me sad. So here are a couple things that I really want to purch-ase, one of em cameras that can make me look like a total pro although a supa noob, I really want to do some photography, i mean... DIVE INTO MY VORTEX OF INTERESTS. I would like that. I've always been curious about photography but i've never tried it out, so hopefully I can spend my money well. Let's see, another thing is that guitar!! Argh, i really liked my previous guitar before it was sadly broken into 2 pieces (which i never saw) and thrown out so that ugly nasty little critters can pamper all over it. AH, that thought makes me cry myself to sleep. Which also reminds me that I would also like to pur-chase a saxamaphone. I would like to take that up again, although all these items are going to all be very pricey. If I were to take up the saxophone again, I wonder which one... It's either the alto or the soprano, alto so that I can look extremely awesome with it, and soprano because it's smaller, lighter, .... and Reggie Dabbs had one =P AND A STUDY BIBLEE!!!!! AHAJ IO KFJJ NAC, I recently took up the bible once again, but there are always those parts that when I read... I don't understand why... or what happened. Explainations would be helpful. Maybe I should tab those parts in my bible and go back to them when I do get a study bible. Hmm...

One of my goals before the summer ends is... Watch the sunset on Nosehill, AND NO CLOUD BLOCKAGE THANK YOOU. For one thing... the sunrise is very convienient for me because I discovered that after I take my run to nosehill, watch the sun rise, come back, I can always go back to bed if i'm tired (which is always) and i will be well rested for the day (laughs) I really want to see that sunset tho... I just have to find myself a way to not get paranoid on the walk back O_O WELL, I just have to keep telling myself, i'm not going to get kidnapped by a roaming zombie with a chainsaw. OR maybe i'll just rack up someone to come with me. Hmm... i think if i really wanted to see the city lights from nosehill.. it could happen, but i'm assuming that would be a very long walk... and due to my weak physical spirit, i don't think I could last very long... although i'm sure I would have a very strong mental spirit.

Wow, today was a long bloggage. O_O
OKAY TIME FOR SOME LOVIN' FROM MY OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB

Noodlely appendages

Neveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer
EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRR
let your guard down, not for one moment
because this world has tendencies to throw things at you
and sometimes, it even decides to step on you once in a while.
It's so tricky dicky.

Week in and week out, i've been feeling pretty tired
despite sleeping for extremely long hours...
hold on...
this may be the cause of my tiredness
(laughs)
The Naruto anime that have been watching is not epic at all
i thought that it would be more exciting and
pump my adrenaline
but i have come to the conclusion that only the beginning
of naruto was good.
AND HOPEFULLY... the manga will start to get better once again...
i've been on cliffhangers for far too long now.
Oh... i should get reading on some of the books i took out
and finish the dramas jeremy got me for my birthday (-tear- one of my only birthday presents)

Some things i need to keep in mind
and really focus are,
reading my bible every night,
i feel good everytime i get pass a chapter
hehe.
ANDDDDD i really need to sharpen them piano skillage
I HAVE TO PASS IT
or i'ma cry, otherwise the 3 hours a day i spend with the piano
will be for nothing.
T_T
sooooo I PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
and i'll believe =D

EXAMINATION TIME

YOU SUCK.
SOOOO MUCH.
mmhmm..
i hatechu exams, really i do T_T
BUT U BETTER BRING UP MY MARKS
OR I WILL....
....

I CAN'T DO ANYTHINGGGGGG

-sigh-
T_T

JUUUUUUUUUUUUUNE

WHY ARE YOU HERE SOO SOO SOON.
MY CHEM HAS DIED, AND MY MATH HAS DIED ALSO
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY
And bio.. ... ya i just gave up on you
AND WHY ELAAA
WHYYYY MUST POETRY BE SO DECEIVING???
-tear- i just had to fail didn't i?

Oh YC, YC oh YC.
I had an enjoyable time..
but this time round...
it was really different than my first one.
King.
I will remember that one for life.
But this time, Live it Loud, this is something
that will stick with me til the end.
I don't think i have ever cried with such a reality hitting me.
A revealing of something that i don't think i would be able to face
until it just smacks me right up the head.
I was really hoping that there would be this overflow of happiness
that God is in my life, and that i would be rejoicing with joy
after YC, but.. it didn't happen.
I was overflowed however... with emotions that really really grasped me.
It was a truth that i don't think i could run away from anymore.
To be faced with yourself, your true self and to really look at yourself
and evaluate who you are... it's something that really brings the tears coming.
I saw myself... and i hated it.
What i was becoming, and what i was in the past.
There were so many things that i came to realize... i couldn't let go.
I felt like a pathetic fool, living my life with such stupidity.
And... there in that stadium... it's like i had an epiphany.
I just bolted me so hard, i could barely keep balance.
After YC... i really wanted to go for a change.
And i really really want to walk back onto the Lord's path.
It's... a lot harder than i thought it would be.
I can barely keep awake at night to pray my sorrows, my joy and my thoughts.
I can barely feel the life that hangs around my neck.
I hate this.
The thing that I want the most is so far out of reach.
And it's even worse that I am barely giving out enough strength to reach.
I hate myself for this.
I can't stand this.
I just... really want to hold onto my God tightly, never swaying.
So why...
why can't i find the strength to put You first.
I'm so sorry for this, and grieving gives me nothing.
Yet... yet i still am.
God... save me.

A Feeling like today

I feel very old and wrinkly today
haha
I had the hardest time getting up in the morning today.
Oh maaan, and luckily i was only about 5 mins late for class.
Well.. i only went to that one class for math.
I hate skipping math.
It feels like i miss something really important, and...
i do.
Anywho....
I'm kinda mad that the school called my house saying I skipped
when clearly i was excused from classes because of IB exam.
And speaking of IB exams...
I feel like throwing myself into a little hole and covering it
with a plush blanket.
I am not exactly stressed.
Well I am, it's just that I know that I'm way too relaxed
yet at the same time i feel the pressure unfolding itself on me
like a an earthquake and along with a 9.5 on the richter scale.
Ya, i learned about that in math today for logarithm applications.
I love math.
haha
I am absolutely not prepared for this test
and yet i paid a ridiculous amount for it.
I agree with what everyone is saying, i literally dug my own grave,
drowned myself causing my lungs to be filled with water
thus collapsing my whole respiratory system.
I PAID FOR THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME.

Another thing i discovered is that,
the more i have to do,
and the amount of stress that builds up on me,
the more less i'm willing to do anything
and the more i'm procrastinating.
And let me tell you, NEVER, EVER,
start a drama in the middle of studying for an exam.
Worst mistake I made these past few weeks.
Now i'm left wallowing over the adorable scenes from Why Why Love.
Gosh, that is a cute drama.
Anyways.. I must get back to studying.
AND IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I'LL DO WELL ANYWAYS.
i'll probably get like a 2 despite all of this cramming
and studying til my brain and physical body is tried out.

Alive in this Moment

Gotta love Starfield =)
I'm feeeeeling the Holy Spirit BURNING in me =)
ahhh!!
I really can't wait til YC 2009.
I missed YC 2007 too much.
I'm really looking forward to YC next month,
it's going to get me so pumped for Jesus.
I remember just entering that building for the first time
and coming across... many many Christians.
You can feel the love.
I gotta recharge my batteries, i feel so worn out.

God is so amazing.
How can something so wonderful... love me?
I'm so happy to know this.
Everything about this belief, this knowing brings me to to my feet
in joy and excitement.
The only thing in the world that can bring a real smile on my face
has only got to be Jesus Christ and everything that comes with it.
Hallelujah <3

Peace of Mind

You are, You are,
The light of all the heaven
...
I want to hold the hand that holds the world

I find comfort in the Lord.
I pray to find guidance and to find peace in my heart.
This week has been hectic and I'm starting to find myself
to become more and more annoyed at everything.
I need to calm down and take it easy
but then I can't take anything easy or too lightly.
I'm responsible for everything I do.
GAH.
I just want this month to be over.

Quote of the day:
"There is no art to find the mind's construction in the face."

Zhao is in the hooouse

Hmm.. that rhymes..
...
no it doesn't but hey!!
it kind of does....

What a pleasent surprise today =D
Got a wonderful mark in my math ... but jeremy shot me down by saying
it wasn't good enough T_T
ANYWAYS, that's fine, i worked for my mark and i'm happy =D
However.. there is always the downfall.
English oh english.
I always thought i was good enough for you, i guess not.
Why must you not reciprocate my feelings?
I'm left heartbroken now that you have shattered my love i gave you.
-cough- that just means i need to work harder!!!
!!!!!!

What a Wonderful... God

My heart's on fire.
This feeling is so amazing.
Brings me back to 2006-2007.
Praise the Lord.
Live it Loud 2009...
.... here I come wahahaha

If we are the Body - Casting Crowns

It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the road

But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way

Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ

If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way

Jesus is the way

It's rather hard
to say the things that you want to say
using your mouth.
I mean i could have soo many things that i want to say
to make the person stop worrying..
but it's so hard.
All i can muster up is a: oh...
ya...
sorry...
Honestly. i could do so much better than that.
But
i can't.
ahhh this fustrates me

ah, yes.. ib

IB... what to say...
i'm already stressed...
i don't have that much hw...
actually.. it's quite a lot... compared to junior high
i just want to finish it early and not have to do it...
i have horrible time management.
I'm getting through.
I don't even know where this stress is coming from...
It's crazy.
Crazy IB.

French..
I do not like french.
Everyone in class looks like they understand everything
that the teacher says...
I'm sitting there not understanding anything..
Ahhh.. the people around me are probably thinking i am realllly stupid.
That's okay.. i'm probably just language retarded or something haha.
Anywho...
i really hope school gets better...

First day...

Dang.. good thing no other grades were there today
it would have been intimidating.
Yes.. it was a very long day... for a short day....
I thought that it would be very hard to start school
without a lot of my close friends there...
but it wasn't like that.
It was just like any other day at school except with new people.
I had friends there.. maybe that's why.
In grade 9 at the beginning of the year, i had this flame that wanted
me to do really really well in school.
That worked out... til after half the year had past. And then i just
procrastinated... and depended on more and more people to help me
study for tests and do homework.
Now grade 10.. i have this flaming fire of... i dunno hahaha
i really want to do well in ib now that i'm in it....
i've decided that if i'm really going to drop ib.. it should be at the end of the year.
Ya....
I want to work hard... yet i have a fear of working hard... i don't have any idea why... but i do..
Yes..... the people at Diefenbaker seem nice...
and they all.. have confidence in making friends and such so easily
and.. i don't hahaha...
i've never had confidence in that area...
oh well...
it'll all be good..

ahhh

i'm so not ready for high school

It's great...

To have such forgiving friends!

Breathe

I loved that message today.
Mmhmm
i love it.
And i love the LORD.
Yod, Heh, Vav, Heh.
haha, i enjoyed playing the piano very much today.
Hm.. as i was playing the piano
i don't know
it was so moving...
the atmosphere was so.. moving.
Good day today.

Mmmm...

So...
I watched Evan Almighty with
Ada, Jack, Jeff, Karen today.
The movie gave me a lot to think about.
Ya, it was really funny
but there was a message that i really got from it.
As much as what God tells us to do may seem
rather insane, and out of place, and random
it's really because he loves us.
He has a plan for us, not a plan we give ourselves.
In the movie, he tells Evan, a new politician
that wants to "change the world". He just got a new house
a new car, a new life, and then God suddenly tells him to
build an Ark.
Now adays, building an ark just is.. very out of place.
but there is a reason behind it all.
I really liked the quotes in the movie.
"Ask and you will recieve"
"How do you change the world?
You start with an Act of Random Kindness, ARK"
=)

haha, it really was an amazing movie

Grade 9 Grad 2007

yay!!!
pictures on facebook >.<

anyways
for the beginning ceremony
we all had to line up and stuff to go on stage
one by one...
ya...
i was freaking out because my friends
were telling me how i'd trip
and i hadn't walked in heels before
so...
lol yes
over all the ceremony went really well
we got to see our grade 7 pictures in a slideshow
and i was really amazed at how young we were
i never really thought we really changed
but... man... we were so very small!!
umm... the dinner we had was okay-lah haha
well mostly because i could barely eat it
since my gums were really sore just after i got my braces tightened
=(
we had this amazing punch fountain
AND CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN
we had like fruit and stuff and so u would just stick the fruit in the fountain
and volia a wonderful... chocolate coated friut lol
the dance was craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy
my friend and i just went ... nuts
haha our feet really hurt near the end of the dance
but we kept dancing anyways cuz..
well, we were having so much fun
i screamed so much at the dance... i was so scared i would lose my voice the next day lol
we only had 3 slow danced in 3 hours
so... we didn't really have much time to rest lol
by the time i got home from school
my feet were aching sooo much haha
it was one of the funniest nights of my life!!!!
=)

YC King 2007

I'm so glad i decided to go.
This trip...
i don't know...
it really made me think a lot about
how much i really believed in God
and how my walk with God is going.
When i was there i could totally feel him
I knew he was there.
Just right before i went on the trip
a lot of things had been bothering me.
A lot to do with school, friends and piano.
When i started listening to the tesitmonies,
the music, the sermons, all that, i really felt
touched, and all that was bothering really lifted.
I learned that... my life.... is something i need to place
in God's hands.
I learned... a lot.

United... WAS AMAZING.
AMAZINGGGGGG.
I loved them so very much.
The speakers were AMAZING as well.
Everything that happened was pretty much amazing.
Staying up with friends watching Employee of the Month
and Meet the Fockers was.... awesome, i miss that so much
Although... i have no idea what happened in Meet the Fockers
except that... the dog got flushed down the toilet by the cat lol.
And then hanging around the YC place talking about absolutely nothing.
Hanging around West Ed, and then skating was amazing.
The attempts to take a picture while skating was pretty rad lol.
The ride home was awesome... although i was still paranoid about falling
asleep. Haha, texting and not talking was actually really fun haha.
yay
I loved this trip. I can't think of a thing i regret.

God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.
=)

=)

Wow...
i haven't blogged in awhile...
long time...
Well, today is my birthday!!!
It was one of the best days of my life.
I mean, i didn't have a celebration or party.
But.. i spent it with the people i wanted to
and... that was enough to make this day special.
I started my day really really really great.
My friend put balloons and happy birthday stuff all over
my locker.
And it was really really awesome.
But then, i also had a friend who had the same birthday as me
and they didn't do anything special like that for her..
so i felt really bad.
i got a lot of happy birthdays and it was just so special!!!!
Well, i also went to her party for about an hour after school
and then went to church.
church was amazing.
I really do love playing the piano without having to look at sheet music
and following all the rules.
I love playing the piano just... freely...
haha, it's great.
When the people at church started singing happy birthday to me
I was... like extreme to the max happy.
I've never felt so happy lol.
It was ... such an amazing feeling.
Van ride home was also awesome.

Today was amazing...
And i want to thank... EVERYONE
for making it that amazing.

Okay!

I finally made the decision
I am going to go to Diefenbaker
FULL IB!
I was asking myself yesterday
why did i even apply to go to Diefenbaker in the first place?
I mean i kind of knew that if i ever dropped all of ib
i'd have to go to QE
but then... it was like
if God gave me the confidence to apply to something
like this
then he would give me the confidence to take it on.
heh heh...
make sense?
I prayed a lot about this
I tried not to think about it but i kept popping back into my head.
Oh man... i went through a month of deciding and...
it was only about which high school i want to go to.....
>.<

Chinaaaa

Wow
China is so different from what I know from Canada
First of all
it was nastily polluted, nasty
People smoke like every few minutes
and it's disgusting.
I was so sick of it.
And i wanted to go home after a week lol
What i mainly did was go with my mom to visit her friends
that she haven't seen in 8 years
It was very boring
My brother and I just sat there at the tea place
with her friends
doing nothing.
We just sat there.
blehhh....
But it was an amazing experience.
I went to Shanghai, Hangzhou, Suzhou, Guangzhou and Hong Kong.
When i was there in Shanghai for dinner or something
the waiter went up to me and started pouring wine into my glass
so my mom's like, she can't have any because she's not 18
and then the waiter looked at her funny
it was really weird....
haha, i'm not really use to people smoking inside so when i was at like
shops and stuff, it was really disturbing
The hardest thing to do in China, was to ignore the homeless people that want money
and they're like cripple or really old, or something, and it was really very sad
I probably like Hangzhou the most
because there weren't as many people there
and the air was less polluted
and it was really nice and fresh there
When i was in Hong Kong,
I went to that ocean park place
and it was very.... i dunno, it was less fun then i imagined
all that was really entertaining were the dolphins performing haha
I GOT A FOBBY HAIRCUT IN CHINA
AND I LOOK SO FOBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but i did get a cell phone there
lol
that made it all better
haha
and ya, overall it was an awesome trip
and i love calgary more haha
there's a lot of interesting things that happened in china
i shall blog that... another day lol

yay

china tomorrow!!
=D

Dear Braces,

datewkjroi3uq j5roqjrh;k jnr;owkjvi3j52ih ob;3jV;LKJEAO IJ3PJU4J412IJALE;WFJMV K;LAJ
I hate you

Vash

Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash Vash

Haha, my craze with Trigun is still not over

hello

Well!
I've decided to take my chances in IB
and try to get into Dief
=D
So...
we're watching An Inconvenient Truth
with Al Gore
in science
I must say...
it isn't all that bad
I mean, ya, we all know something about Global Warming
but it's still really interesting
to know more about it.
Well, some of the things that they tell in it that movie
scares me
like, how the rising water would like drown cities or something like that
bahhhh............
^ ^
-''-

=P

So i was drawing today..
sketching...
and i was bored
and i wanted extra marks for Art
haha
and then i drew up a VASH!
I screwed up on the gun
and the jacket
and it was probably my first time
like
copying a pic from the internet
haha
mm...
i could probably fix it..
but then i don't want to ruin the face
haha
so ya....

O.O

Trigun...
was too awesome....
WOLFWOOD!!!!!!!!!!
*cries*

First day of grade 9

Well, i guess i'll blog about it.
Hm, i guess sitting in the back of the bus
didn't make me feel like a grade niner at all
haha.
I still don't
In the hallways i'm lookin for tall grade 9ners
and find none
and realize
i'm in grade 9.
Weird.
My homeroom teacher wasn't one i had hoped for
but i didn't hope for a specific teacher
so... i guess i didn't exactly lose hope...
haha
I don't know my homeroom teacher well
but from what i have heard, she's not that great...
so, i guess that's okay.
Wow, i was so tired this morning...
I guess it's cause i had a hard time falling asleep
and then waking up at 4am and trying to fall asleep again...
Well, i have a few friends in my class
so i'm not a loner at the beginning of the year like i was last year
Umm.. options are all good, i guess...
Mmm... hope i have a good year then!

*sigh*

I have to play piano tomorrow...
infront of a whole bunch people
*sigh*
Man....
I don't like that...
Last time i did
I screwed up so bad...
Too nervous...
*Sigh*
Piano...
*Sigh*

The Adventure by Angels and Airwaves

I wanna have the same last dream again
The one where I wake up and I'm alive
Just as the four walls close me within
My eyes are open up with pure sunlight
I'm the first to know
My dearest friends
Even if your hope has burned with time
Anything that is dead shall be re-grown
And your vicious pain, your warning sign
You will be fine
Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life’s waiting to begin
Any type of love it will be shown
Like every single tree reach for the sky
if you're gonna fall
i'll let you know
that i will pick you up
like you for i
i felt this thing
i can't replace
when everyone was working for this goal
where all the children left without a trace
only to come back as pure as gold
to recite this all
Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life’s waiting to begin
Tonight
Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life’s waiting to begin
Tonight
Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life’s waiting to begin
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
Hey oh, here I am (do this with me)
Here we go
life's waiting to begin (do this with me)
Hey oh, here I am (do this with me)
Here we go
life's waiting to begin
life's waiting to begin

Wow, i fell in love with this song haha

Last Day

Oh Wow.
I've only gone for like a week and a half
and... it's been amazing.
Seeing kids leave at the end of the day was so sad, haha

*shakes fist* Geo
Fun day with you, yes yes
Man, you slap so hard....
even when it's not your hardest....
*shakes fist again*

Man, worship at YAC today was so amazing...
I've never felt this way before.
Feeling God's presence is so awesome.
I am so blessed.
Closing my eyes and just knowing he's by my side
It's just so awesome.
It's like i'm lifted high and he's just there for me
every step of the way.
Wow.

Dinner after vbs was so fun.
I went with Alex, Hannah, Jiffany, Priscillla and Cyrus.
We couldn't stop laughing when we were eating
and people were staring so we had to stop.
Yes, we were really noisy.
Then Priscilla left for worship practice
so we went to Taste of Calgary to see Tanya and Ada.
That was interesting.
Jiffany and I were trying hooking Hannah and Cryrus together
and well
that didn't work out haha.

Wow.

Ever since i started going to DVBS
I don't know
It's like...
I've just never felt so accepted before.
Not even with my friends at school.
Maybe it's just me
No gossip, no judging
just...
i don't know
something lol
It's weird.

Drumheller

DRUMHELLER TODAY WAS THE AWESOMEST TRIP EVER!!!!!
Oh man....
From making a suspension bridge sway above a river,
to hiking up a hill,
to almost falling off the edge of the hill,
to ride a cart from the coal mines,
to pretending to be what it was like in the 90's,
to throwing balls at each other in a museum,
to making fossil casts,
to yelling and hitting each other on a tour bus,
to playing big 2 on the bus,
to getting more the half the deck of cards from playing Cheat,
to laughing so hard you almost peed your pants....
IT WAS SO AMAZING!!!
IT WAS THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!