Siblinggggg

I don't know what I would do without my brother. He is possibly the only person I have yet to know... to make me laugh when I feel my worst. No matter what he does to make me really mad, or what he does to hurt me, or what he does to annoy me, I still love this guy. I don't know how he does it, but I always feel better after talking to him. He gives... different perspectives, never the cliche, and.... he's my brother, he's a part of me in the way that we are connected by blood. It makes me happy that there is someone like that for me.

There are honestly a lot of things that I need to get done, and I really haven't done anything. I'm suppose to write a short story by Nov.1, soooo.. I don't know how i'm going to get that done for the scholarship. ARGH!! I really like writing short stories. But... I'm no good at them. Mmm.. My eyes are itching for sleep, so night all =)

Green, Yellow, Red

Keep tryna turn back the page, but it still feels like...
Romeo & Juliet.
I wanna love you but I
just cant seem to do it yet.

I never know whether i should stop or not when the lights are turning from green to yellow, and eventually red. AH, stressful. What if life just had no stress in it? That... would also be stressful. Because then I wouldn't have anything to do. And life would be boring.
I'm really excited to start this mentorship program. At first i was a bit unsure whether or not I would want to waste my fridays doing this... I eventually came to the conclusion... after thinking it over and over again, that I would do this. I'm not sure how this is going to go, but oh welps. We'll see =)
Man, I am obsessed with shoujo mangas T_T They are just so cute! Makes me wish that I had a love like this.
Today was possibly the easiest most... relaxing working saturday that I've had in a while. When the studio gets a bit busier, i don't get as restless.
I'm so scared about what I'm headed into. University seems so scary, so far away... yet so close. I'm not really sure what to go into, and everything seems like a mess of things at the moment.
I was out with dinner with the fam, and I was talking to my cousin and we got into a discussion of religion. There are so many things in this world. There is one Bible, and there are billions of people, each one with a different perspective. Everyone has a different interpretation of the Bible, a different set of morals and values. It's a confusing thing, and there are so many things that I don't understand, and I question a lot about the things that I might read about and I can't seem to just put one finger on one thing. I know that God is real, I know that much. But it seems everything else is muddled and very hard to understand. I'm trying to grasp something that turns into a million other things.


AHHHHHHHHHHHH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SCHOLARSHIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENGLISH

I've decided that... I don't hate English. In fact, I love the language. I love writing, and it's a great thing to be able to write even though I have absolutely no talent in that area. It shows... through my marks. I just finished writing my take home essay that my teacher assigned about a week or two ago. I was suppose to get it done last night, but instead... I decided that sleep was more important. I ended up regretting that big time when morning came and I dreamed that my essay was written up. Luckily, my teacher is extremely lenient and nice, and she told us that the deadline was tonight at midnight AND I PRAY THAT I WROTE DOWN THE RIGHT EMAIL. I missed my friend's birthday and church to do this. AND I SPENT A LOT OF TIME WRITING THIS. So hopefully I'll get a decent mark. But... It's better if I don't have my hopes up because it never ends well. Surprisingly, I'm doing better in both of my writing classes than I am in Physics 20. I feel really sad when I think about that. But in a way I'm glad.
I don't enjoy driving anymore. People are crazy on the roads sometimes. I almost got into an accident today, and thank the Lord, that no one was hurt. I don't mind so much that something will happen to my license and demerit points or anything, it's just that my 2 good friends were in the car and I would regret for the rest of my life if anything happened to them, and I was driving. Also, I would hate for the insurance of my parents to go up because of me, AND SO... driving is not so fun anymore. My conclusion? I don't like driving, it adds too much stress to my life.
I was talking to a friend(?) of mine (I put a question mark because we have a hate/like relationship -laughs-) and he was telling me his dream was to do nothing for the rest of his life and live a carefree life but still have the income coming to him. After that, he told me that he had no ambition in his life. Then I thought about that and I thought that I also had no ambition in my life. I don't know what I want in life and I can't decide on a career choice or what I want to go into for university. I might not have enough of an average to get into business, and then I'm screwed. Why business? I have no idea. I don't even know what there is that I could go into and here I am, deciding that it would be what I'm going to go into. This all sucks very much.
I have motivated myself, and I am now going to do my homework accordingly, no more procrastination.

Seaweed

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say

I don't think I've felt this insecure in a while. It's been a while. This feeling feels like an old friend that I really don't want to have around. But... It's coming back. I've always yearned for some sort of stability in my life, or just to feel safe.. to feel secure. I found in Jesus Christ a long time ago. After my faith consistently wavered, I find myself in the place I began. That was not what I wanted nor was it intended. I told myself over and over again that I never want to go back to who I was, so why am I here right back to the place I hated the most. My concentration on everything that's important is no longer on a focus. I feel like there is something holding me back, that's wrapped around me uncomfortably and I can't seem to break free from it. I don't know what I want in life and university is just around the corner. I don't want to waste a year of my life because life is too short for time to be wasted. When I reach out to the world, and I could be doing that for years. Eventually my arm gets tired because it feels like nothing is reaching back to take hold of my hand. I want to run. Far away. From everything. But.. I can't, I feel like I'm held back by this invisible chain and.... it's the farthest I can go.
There was once a girl that loses her memory every 13 hours, and her life of the previous day is held in her little diary telling her who she is, and how this life of her's came to be. After the 13 hours, an hour of her day disappears in the following hour. A memory defect that happened because of an accident 4 years ago. She asked a boy that she met at an abandoned train station a math question that went a little like this: A stake is driven in a field, and a sheep is tied to it. The sheep keeps munching the grass. What is the area of the resulting circle?. The boy replied: The square of the length of the string is pi, right? Instead of answering the question she says: It seems the sheep even eats the roots of the grass. The grass can’t grow back, and the plain turns into a desert. When I heard this question, I saw an image of that tied sheep slowly starving to death. That was the way her life was described, something bound by a chain and the farthest her hands can reach is 13 hours. Slowly, very slowly, her existence meant little to nothing. However, losing her memory was not her biggest fear. What she was truly afraid of was disappearing from the memories of everyone else.

What a day

Here is possibly the only good part of my day haha.
Ðana says:
what up what up
my name is future ♡ says:
ceiling
Ðana says:
excellent
i'm glad it's still up
my name is future ♡ says:
ya i know today was so windy
Ðana says:
LOL

YOU MAY NOT HAVE FOUND IT FUNNY... but i most certainly did =D
So.... i had a very sad day, failed my drivers =( and i got mouthed and sworn at but a relatively old lady for driving a bit below speed limit. Such angry people. She even took the effort to jerk her car to a stop next to mine and do that. WHY SO ANGRY????? After that I got so sad that I made my mom drive the rest of the way home. Now... I have to redo it. And this time... I'M READY OKAY??? I'M READY. I PAID FOR IT THIS TIME SOOOO... I'MA TAKE IT LIKE LIKE A SPANISH BULL AND I'MA HAVE MY RED CLOTH AND THEN I'LL TAKE IT ON.
And.. that is all for today T_T

Rent-a-Friend

I was reading an article on this Japanese business that was booming called Rent-a-friend. I personally thought it was very interesting to market something like that. So it basically gives people someone to fake as their lover, cousin, uncle, family member, best friend... friend. Something that stood out to me while reading the article was that people would pay to have someone at their wedding to be their pretend father/uncle for them to walk down the bride down an aisle because they didn't have anyone like that in the R.L. I thought that was very cute... yet sad. But aside from that, it was funny thing to read about. I read about a lot of interesting current events, such as a man who fell in love with a 2-D character from Da Capo and he like deemed her as his girlfriend saying he has real feelings for her. The man carries a pillow of her around with her... . There was this really touching article that I read which was soooo adorable. This man and his wife lived in a rural area (China) and they lived in a cave on top of a really steep hill and because the man's wife had a hard time getting down the hill, he hand carved her 6000+ steps down the hill just for her convenience. A LADDER OF LOVE. I was so moved. And then there are the simple things that people do that are actually very romantic. I read this article about a man who would go out and buy his wife of 60 years, a fresh rose to put by her beside every day and gives her a kiss every morning and at every night before she sleep. How can one not be moved by SUCH GREAT FORCES OF LOVE.

Come on Naruto, HURRY UP AND UPDATE TO YOUR NEWEST CHAPTER ALREADY.!!

Below is a picture of the man and his girlfriend. Oh and he's only 37.