Just think of the future,
and think of your dreams.
You'll get away from here...
You'll get away eventually.

Smiles

I was on the way home from work on the bus today and met the nicest lady driver in the world. I don't think I've ever encountered such a cheerful person doing their job. She was genuinely happy driving the bus, exceptionally caring about the passengers, and had the most beautiful smile ever. Seeing an example of someone who is so... raw about being happy really makes me wonder why I can't be like that too. I forgot to ask her name... but she was great and made my day that much more better =)

Man, I've been so sick this week I'm pretty sure I got people at the office sick as well... Oops, I didn't think I could miss my first few days at work soooooooooooooo ya. It's so weird to be saying something like "people at the office" or "coworkers", to be honest, I don't like it too much haha, maybe i'm just not use to it. Nevertheless, I'm so blessed to even have a job, thank Jesus and thank everyone who has been praying for me and helping me out. Y'ALL SO WONDERFUL.

Dear Allergies,

WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?
Everything on my face is itchy T_T
It is so not cute...

By the way, this is the main reason why I don't like the outdoors.
Allergies suck.

Sleep isn't worth while when it leaves me alone with my thoughts.

Description of my Heart

I spend my life to know, I'm far from close to all You are...

Recently, I've been trying to lay out the things that God has done for me. He has done a lot for me through the many obstacles that I have come across. To withstand the amount of complaining, whining, and pouting that I have dealt can only be handled by a higher being haha.
The best description that I have come across, honestly just 2 minutes ago, is that God makes me brave. 
When I'm around the people I'm close to, I can be really loud and I'm not quite afraid to express myself, but the moment there's a stranger there, I shut off. It's almost like my brain runs out of juice and my thought cease to exist. Asking an employee of a retail service place for something is extremely difficult and talking to someone new feels like I just want to jump off a building rather than carry a conversation. It's actually quite depressing how it makes me feel. The confidence that I like to pretend I have is just not really there.
However, when I worship... no matter the crowd, not matter who is there in the audience... when I'm focused on God, He makes me brave. This is the best description I have yet to come across. When my heart is on God, the world's judgement can't compare to the strength and power of my Father. The passage where Peter is walking towards Jesus on water with his eyes focused on him, he can successfully trust the miracles. This story resonates with me a lot because I have a lot of trouble focusing, even on God.
I really hope that with faith, with trust and with practice I can take that bravery off stage and into my day to day life. Maybe one day I'll even be able to speak perfectly normal with a stranger without thinking that I'd rather slit my wrist than go through with it. I do believe that with my eyes on God... I can do this.

You make me brave, You called me out beyond the shore into the waves.
You make me brave, no fear can hinder me now from the promises you made.

Embrace

"This is the sound of heaven invading earth"

What a powerful way to worship.
Can you hear it too?

Wake Up Child, It's Your Time to Shine

I had a really good talk with a friend the other day. It was a different kind of conversation that I don't think I've come across thus far in my life haha. BUT REALLY. It was... really good.

We talked about the struggles in our lives as individuals, the struggles that we both share, the things we are tempted with, the different ways that we deal with our situations, and how as we are talking... the conversation we were holding... was not a topic that we could talk about with other people. And honestly, I've never had a chance to talk to someone like this before. It makes me wonder how I utilize the time that I have with my friends. With the conversation I shared with this friend, I was also really thankful to have her in my life. I was glad to be able to share my life in this way with her, an honest kind of relationship where we can be real with each other. So God, thank you for Erica, she's amazing.

I've recently been feeling very distant from God. Not distant in the way that I've lost faith in Him, but just that I haven't been trying hard enough. I guess I thought that while being in ministry it was enough, but it was only until recently that I realized that I wasn't feeling fed. I've been feeling a little empty but I also know that I need to seek out these things for myself and not be spoon fed (although I really hate it when people feed me - literally I mean). This also carries forward into the ministries that I'm involved with. I know I should be praying and trying harder to seek for success in them, but seriously, my laziness is so bad. I believe this is my biggest flaw, which means I really need to push myself harder to reach for better goals.
Recently, I've learned that there really is a skill in creating and meeting goals. This was actually an assignment that I had in my management studies class (which was surprisingly applicable to my current situation). Creating specific and detailed goals, with a person who is pushing you forward for them is very crucial. For example, using my goal from class, I could write out my goal to have myself exercise, but a better way to write it out would be to exercise twice a week by the end of 2 weeks. My partner would then proceed to text me every 2 days to see how my progress was, and well, this really just depends on how committed both ends were. Long story short, I did meet my goal! In this way, I am more motivated to become more active in my goal meeting for YAC and worship.

I'm just so glad that even though I am struggling in finding a job and not too sure where everything is headed, regardless of that, I have a God that I want to please as my goal and this pushes me forward.
So... THANK GOD!